Imagine a library. Full of DVDs. With information on just about every subject you could possibly imagine. If you take out one DVD, you have access to the information contained in that DVD. All the other DVDs still contain the information they hold, but you are only looking at the information in the DVD you have in your hands. The memories of everything you've ever experienced are stored in your own internal library of DVDs, your subconscious mind. You can access any of those films whenever you wish. But if you took out all the DVDs at one time you simply couldn't deal with them all at once, could you? So, your subconscious mind files all the DVDs away for access only when required. Some of the DVDs are fantastic, enjoyable films that you like to watch often so they are filed on the easiest to reach shelves at the front. Some DVDs are really heavy going documentaries that you are not so keen on, so they are filed on the back shelves that you only access if necessary. However, sometimes there are DVDs that are horror stories so awful that you put them in a box and tape it up before putting it down in the basement. And you choose when, and how often, you go and get any of these DVDs out of your library. That's how I like to see the way our brains store memories. Sometimes something triggers a memory and you go running to your library to get out the DVD. Your senses often remind you of memories. You might smell a perfume, or hear a song, or see a particular scene and you rush to the library to get the DVD out which tells the story of the time when a sense was connected to a pleasurable activity. But sometimes it's connected to a time you're not quite so keen to remember. If it's a really bad memory it will have been placed in the basement and locked away to protect you from going back there. Traumatic Experiences However, perhaps something happened to you and you can make no sense of it. It is just too awful to comprehend. You can't figure out how to file this film, so it sits there in the DVD player on the front desk. Always right in reach. Or perhaps, someone unlocks the basement and an awful DVD is brought back up to the front desk for sorting. You see the images in those films whether you want to or not because they are not filed away. Many things might trigger you to watch clips from those films at all sorts of times. You really wish you could just file them away on a shelf and be able to choose if, and when, you watch them. This is what it can be like for people who have experienced trauma. For some it gets easier after a while and they can categorise and file the DVD. Perhaps they have support to decide upon the category and help in getting the DVD put away on the appropriate shelf. But for others it just seems impossible. No-one seems able to help them. This awful film doesn't fit any category. So it's always there. We're supposed to recall memories voluntarily. When appropriate. That's why we have a 'library' in our subconscious mind. Flashbacks But if the DVD is always right in front of you the recall is involuntary. You can't escape it. You can't get on with the rest of your life if you keep being made to watch that film, can you? Going back to a place or seeing the person can be very triggering. But it's not just things which are obviously related to the trauma. It might seem random. But if you experienced something as traumatic during a rain storm you might find that you have flashbacks when it rains. It happens when you least suspect it and are unprepared for it. Involuntary recall is commonly referred to as Flashbacks. And it's one criteria included in a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress/Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Every time you are taken back to the traumatic memory you might see, hear, feel, smell or taste everything just as though it was happening right now. Do you want to file that film away on to a shelf, anywhere you wish, in your library? You will still have access to it, if needed. Sometimes you might still be reminded of it. It could still make you sad, or feel bad, for a bit but you can quickly put it back on the shelf and get on with living your life, doing things that you enjoy. Contact me if you'd like me to help you Rewind that DVD so that you can easily and quickly file it away on to a shelf in your library and release yourself from the flashbacks and intrusive thoughts. You will not need to tell me anything about the trauma. I will just need to know how it is impacting on your life on a daily basis through a simple form and we should only need 2 or maybe 3 sessions. Don't let the flashbacks rule your life any longer. #PTSD #RewindTechnique #flashbacks #intrusivetoughts #involuntaryrecall #memories #subconsciousmind #traumaticexperiences #trauma #mentalhealth #adversechildhoodexpereinces #resilience

The final months of each year tend to be hard for me. I dislike the dark days, I know my mental health suffers from lack of light. Also I find that it’s harder to get work as people prioritise their spending on the ever growing commercialisation of Christmas. In recent years I’ve added parental bereavement to the mix and this year, as well as a new autoimmune disease diagnosis, I'm also negotiating a commercial lease agreement which is taking longer than hoped (therefore I am not earning). I’ve also supported a 3 month hospital stay which caused further iatrogenic trauma to the individual and contributed to me needing to work on suicide prevention. You can't pour from an empty jug So, I’m running on empty. You can’t pour from an empty jug, the saying goes. Thankfully, I still prioritise my twice monthly massages. If truth be told, I’d love to add more! Because it really helps. Gone are the days when I too used to think Massage was a luxury for people with money. It’s not. It is maintenance. Just as some people spend money on the outside of their body to look good, with haircuts, beauty treatments, etc, many people realise that looking and feeling good comes from within. This week I arrived for my NO HANDS Massage with Barbara feeling a little lost and weary. During consultation I described how I was feeling and Barbara took the time to listen to me. And tease out what it is I needed to feel. We worked together, to realise I felt depleted. Normally I love a slow and deep massage. I like to feel my back has been realigned. But I'm on the edge of burn out the last thing I needs is deep. I need light, nurturing touch which soothes and feels like being held. So, I get on the massage table, and breathe.... I notice my deep breaths, in my own rhythm. The out-breath slightly longer than the in-breath. I just feel her gentle touch. Sometimes Barbara simply lays her hands ever so lightly on me and I can feel the warmth seeping into me. Then she slowly and lightly works, breathing, focusing on her client, the balm providing just enough gentle slip. I focus on how I wanted to feel. Feeling Replenished When the treatment is finished she leaves the room and I lie on the table for a little while, allowing my body to feel the massage still flowing... then I carefully get up and get dressed. I begin to walk around the room as Barbara returns. Taking notice of what my body feels like as I walk, I tell her that I feel more together again. There’s a sense of being grounded. Yet I feel tall and straight. I feel replenished. My jug is full again. It might sound like magic but it's simple science. It's Psychoneuroimmunology or the Mind/Body Connection. As mammals we require safe touch from the moment we are conceived. We are held within the womb, cocooned and held. But often it can all start going wrong even from here. I recall being told I was ‘going to wear that bairn away’ when I was caught absentmindedly rubbing the growing bump of my first child. We often hear about the risk of creating a ‘rod for our own back’ if we instinctively respond to the cries of our babies. We’re told to put the baby down if we know it’s been fed, changed and had all it’s needs met. It seems the need to be held and reassured is not recognised. But there is a growing body of evidence that shows the power of touch. A recent paper recognises that “touch-based techniques, such as infant massage and kangaroo care, are designed to comfort infants during procedures, and a modest reduction in pain-related behavioural and physiological responses has been observed.” Of course all humans, regardless of age, will benefit from the power of touch. The Touch Research Institute is building a body of evidence to support this. We are born into our mother arms and designed to be breastfed. All primates carry their young. All mammals groom and touch their young endlessly. If the mother and baby are separated predators are a significant risk. We often see on documentaries the relief the animals display when reunited and the mother grooms her offspring to reassure. Modern birth and parenting practice has taken us away from the biological norm, separating baby and mother too much of the time. Endless adverts for the latest gadgets to make life easier for parents but without recognition of the importance of touch and oxytocin. However, there’s a growing tide of mothers, and fathers, reclaiming their instincts to parent in a responsive manner. Attachment parenting, as it is often called, goes back to the ways before bottles, cots and pushchairs. Babies are carried, breastfed, attended to when they cry, slept with... a lot of physical touch. The Neuroscience of Touch Scientific research is now showing how the brain responds to trauma, but books like When the Body Says No or The Body Keeps the Score are really awakening us to the ramifications of trauma. There’s a better understanding of the delicate dance of hormones. Oxytocin, endorphins, adrenaline, cortisol.... how too much cortisol and adrenaline affects the physical body. And how safe touch, a very light touch, can soothe and relax, bringing the mind and body back into balance again. Too often, when I tell people I’m a massage therapist, they tell me they couldn’t possibly. They don’t ‘do touch’. Couldn’t let another person touch them. And it makes me wonder what has happened to them? There’ll be a variety of reasons, I am sure. I have my own theories and opinions based on my own learning. I’m no research scientist or psychologist but there are many out there sharing the knowledge that shows us the importance of touch and attachment. In modern western cultures we have moved away from touching babies to soothe and have used force to discipline. We have a society where it's expected that parents use formula and put their baby in another room to sleep. By limiting close interactions, by not always responding to their cry, it means that those babies can end up believing they are alone and stop crying to prevent predators hearing them. It’s a biological safety mechanism led by the hormones. They’re not ‘being good,' they’re trying to stay safe. Unfortunately, for many children, growing up has been in abusive and/or neglectful situations. If touch meant being hit it’s no wonder people grow up unable to accept it. Even if it's safe touch. We know that a frightened animal won’t let you touch it. We see on documentaries how, with time and patience, eventually the animal allows safe touch. We know that if we fall or stub our foot we often instinctively rub the injured area. We’re mammals. A particular species called Homo Sapiens but mammals nonetheless. And we need touch. Barbara says I am an amazing client! I just allow the touch in. As she works my body is loose and limp. If she is doing a deeper or faster treatment I feel myself being moved around, my head lolling over to the side she is working on, my hips swaying over to the other side, my legs stretching down the table, my arms swinging over the side... it feels so wonderful to have relinquished control for the time I’m on the table. I don’t have to hold everything together. I can let someone else be in charge while I just let my mind and body replenish. Breathe... feel... release! Not all clients are like me on the table. Often a new client may feel very rigid as I work. Some take a long time, many sessions, to begin to relax. They build trust in the therapeutic relationship. They understand that this is a safe space to let go. They let go little by little. They come because they might have a physical, muscular pain or stiffness but are surprised when they feel a difference in their energy, or their emotions, or their mental well-being, or even on a spiritual level. Massage is not just physical. It affects the whole of you, which includes the brain and all of the hormonal interactions it is part of. Sometimes this might feel a little scary, Iknow. Often people tell me they are afraid of having an emotional release on the table. After all we live in a culture where emotional repression seems too common. In particular we don’t expect men to show emotions such as sadness and little boys are told not to cry. However, there is growing awareness that this is harmful and many are discovering yoga, meditation, mindfulness or massage. Regular, consistent treatments are important for maintenance. We are continually experiencing the trials and tribulations of life. There’s no way I’d have coped with the last few years of my life without massage twice a month. The massage table is a perfect place to be mindful. I will ask you to focus on your breath, to be aware of my touch and to let go of anything that no longer serves you. How would you like to feel at the end of a massage? If you are wary of touch, I will work with you to start slowly. Perhaps just working on the head, or feet. It may be that other therapies are more suitable to start with, to deal with trauma such as PTSD or birth trauma. I can offer The Rewind Technique to release trauma or perhaps I will signpost you on to a different therapist if your needs are not within my area of expertise. Contact me now to book your therapeutic start to 2019. #touch #massage #therapy #mindful #repletion #ptsd

Yesterday I popped in to a local branch of a well known supermarket chain, ASDA. As we were browsing I couldn't help notice some of the girls clothing. So I took some photos. In the recent past there’s been somewhat of a furore around gender based clothing and, personally, I’ve found that girls clothing and shoes tend to be far less robust, warm or functional than boys clothing and shoes. My daughter and I tend to check both the ‘Boys’ and ‘Girls’ aisles in the shops when choosing clothingand shoes because she often found the boys clothing far more comfortable for her to wear. In September this year John Lewis came in for a lot of flack after they removed boy's and girl's labels on their childrens' clothing range. Some people thought it was "PC gone mad" but I appreciated that before puberty, at least, children have no need for gender based clothing or toys. The fact that some clothing had completely inappropriate slogans on them has horrified me as well as many other parents and I have noticed various blog posts and campaigns about this. I have witnessed a few people being angry in recent years and sharing online about their displeasure regarding inappropriate slogans on childrens' clothing and adult styling in childrens' garments. But I am pleased to see a growing awareness around gender stereotyping. And our voice appears to be heard. We have to keep voicing our opinions and never forget that we deserve to be heard. Seeing the clothing in ASDA shows to me the power of the public opinion. So, although I still have some reservations about the warmth of the winter clothing available for girls I was delighted to see the clothing I share here. "Happy being me" "Girls can change the world" "Always be yourself" "Girls are the future" I was delighted!! I just wish I had taken the time to check out what the boys section was like... In my massage clinic I have a wee sign hanging on the door handle which declares: "Well-behaved women rarely make history" I urge you to stand up for what you believe in, for what is right. Because if we don't we do our youngsters a huge disservice. Don't be complacent, don't sit back and allow corporations to ride rough shod over us. We have the benefit of the internet now to use our voice, to share with others, to email our politicians, to write to businesses and tell them when they are getting it wrong. Today I saw a great video on Facebook and then the website, No Means No Worldwide about a project currently ongoing in Nairobi. Just one example of how important it is we talk to our youngsters before they grow up. Girls are being taught to say no and boys are being taught that women are not objects for their gratification. I'm afraid that even those inappropriate slogans on clothing feed in to the global narrative that women are objects to be used and abused. They were part of the insipid culture that still keeps women paid less than their male counterparts, that teaches boys to expect girls to act and look a certain way, that expects girls to conform to idealised beauty standards, that teaches our children from an early age that because they don't look a certain way they can never be good enough. As a body worker, a birth worker, and Body Image Movement Global Ambassador equality, justice and honesty is important to me. I want to see our girls and boys, our women and men being treated fairly, honestly, equally, without judgement, unconditionally... and without Photoshop! Let's keep our software programmes for creating positive, empowering artwork which inspires and supports. If we have to have slogans on our clothing let them lift us up! #bodylovin #Embrace #empowered

To Giles Coren, Thank you for posting your thoughts about your son and family in Esquire on 9th November 2017. Yes, I double checked. Definitely Esquire. Not the Daily Mash or Newsthump..... After the initial confusion upon realising that your writing was not meant to be funny (it wasn't, was it?) I did more checking and realised that you've written some fairly offensive and controversial articles in the past. Just two of them being fat shaming your wife after she had given birth to your second child, and admitting that while you're "not Jewish by practice" you decided to pay for someone to cut off a perfectly functional part of your son's body. Not your body. HIS... Even though you explicitly mention that you're not sure if he will chose to follow the Jewish faith later in life. Can I just take this moment to suggest you look into bodily autonomy? Anyway, back to the fat shaming. Of your own son. Really? And explicitly mentioning other people in the limelight. I mean, what have they ever done to you? Apart from being more famous, funnier, more successful..... oh, and not forgetting the fat shaming of your wife previously. The fat shaming. Yeah.... of a child. He's. A. Child. Do you know what happens to children when people make comments about their appearance? They often end up with body image issues. When grandmothers constantly tell you to eat more because you're too skinny you end up ashamed of your body and covering up your long slender limbs so no-one can see them (yes, it's not just those who are overweight who have issues). When fathers are "worried as fuck" that their little son could grow up to be fat, what kind of comments are they making to their child because they're more concerned about "how it will reflect" on them? You say you will "unquestionably continue to love (your son) with all (your) heart no matter what". I am not so sure anymore, after reading some of the stuff you write. There is a growing epidemic of young people facing social media, film and TV, magazines and fashion houses which are telling them they have to look a certain way, be a certain size, have a certain physique, even think a particular way. But no-one does, not even the models, film stars and celebrities! They are all artfully lit and airbrushed. So it's impossible for us ordinary people to look the way we see those in print or online. But for our own family to be making comments about how we look in the guise of supporting us to be better.. .. well, it just makes me sad. So sad and weary. That kind of insipid negativity just leads to demoralisation, low self esteem, poor body image and comfort eating or, worse still, eating disorders. You think you know what I'm thinking when looking at that picture of your son? I am most certainly not thinking "Fat little bastard". I'm thinking that I see a little lad still, thankfully, too young to be ashamed of his father for the kind of ignorant, intolerant, bigoted, judgmental man that your writing portrays you to be. I see him playing with you and he looks completely normal. I really hope he grows up well adjusted, maybe despite your apparently awful attitude to him. So, maybe I have interpreted the article incorrectly. Is it supposed to be tongue in cheek? Is that supposed to be your style? Do you think it funny to slag off your own wife and your son? Maybe you don't really think like that and maybe your wife and son know it's not about them? That you don't really think that about them? I’m sorry to have to burst your bubble if that’s the case. It most certainly is NOT funny, it’s not helpful and, in fact, it’s very damaging! Some people reading it will either think it’s ok to fat shame and continue to be offensive to others, while many will take it to heart and continue to feel badly about themselves because they see people shaming others about their size or shape, sex, race, religion, ancestry. What you do when you get your judgmental style of writing published is tell others that this kind of attitude is ok. You legitimize body shaming, sexism, misogyny, bigotry, racism.... You can be as obnoxious as you want in private but I, and many others judging by the comments I have seen, do not think it’s appropriate to inflict this on unsuspecting people. If you want to make a difference to people battling with their weight the way to do it is to build up their self esteem, giving them the confidence and resolve to eat healthily and move their bodies more. I urge you to watch Embrace, a social impact documentary exploring the issues of body image. Maybe then you might begin to understand how important this is. Maybe you might join the conversation, maybe apologise for the damage you are currently doing. Nagging at someone because you deem them to be fatter than what you think acceptable is only likely to lead them to develop an unhealthy negative body image and possibly comfort eat more. Think about it. Due to the pain they feel from your harsh, thoughtless words. Instead, love them for who they are, for their inner beauty. Inspire them, encourage their creativity, praise their abilities. Be proud of their kindness, show them (by example) how to be genuine and thoughtful. Just don't focus on the outward appearance. And please, don't try to make a name for yourself by being as obnoxious as you can be. It really is not a good look. #gilescoren #Embrace #fatshaming #bodyimage

Yesterday was my son's 24th birthday. 24 years since the day that started me on the journey to where I am today. The journey is not finished but I've come a long, long way since then. I was naive. I fully expected that the 'experts' would guide me. We didn't have the internet back then so I had no real plan for birth except that I did not want an epidural and I did not want a Caesarean Section. My waters were artificially broken at one point and the outcome was inevitable. There was old meconium in the waters so I was restricted to bed with a foetal scalp electrode. As labour was not considered to be processing fast enough I was augmented. 15 minutes after the artificial hormones were started I was asking for pain relief! It was decided that I still was not progressing fast enough and baby was not always happy with the artificial drip, the diamorphine and my being stuck on my back. So I was to be examined with a view to forceps. One look was enough to realise that my baby's head was brow presenting which meant that it was trying to come down through the pelvis at the head's widest part. And of course with being on the bed and with no amniotic fluid left there was no way my baby was going to adjust his head during artificial contractions. A vaginal birth was not going to happen! ​ During my learning as a doula and childbirth educator I have come across a fair bit of ancient wisdom and was very angry to realise that there are quite a lot of things that could have been suggested which might have made a difference. I have felt extremely let down by those 'experts'. I was very upset at the idea of a caesarean section so said as much. However, by this point my memory of the experience is gone. My mind protected me by deleting my memory from this point onwards until after my baby was born. My first memory after my boy arrived was getting my toast and tea in recovery. I'd taken in a jar of Marmite so I could have some on my toast. Whoever prepared it had no idea about Marmite and so it was thickly spread. My mum said I took one bite, went green, tried another, put the toast down and went to sleep. It should be stated that I also had my left forearm in plaster as I had tripped and fallen a week beforehand resulting in a buckle fracture of one of the bones in my wrist. So, you can imagine that baby care on the postnatal ward with an arm in plaster and an abdominal wound was not the easiest. One midwife/maternity care assistant was a gem and even took me for my first shower, wrapping my plaster cast in plastic and washing me as I stood under the shower. I thought this was the height of luxury and that everyone got this! However, another midwife was entirely the opposite and less than compassionate when I didn't know what my baby was crying for. Fast forward a week and I'm home with a new baby, an abdominal wound, an arm in plaster in a new flat I'd only been in for a week before going in to hospital, along with husband who didn't get any parental leave. The only thing I could get right now was to breastfeed. And breastfeed I did! But as the weeks and months went on I became more and more depressed. I was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression and given medication, referred to postnatal support groups and I just got on with it. But I was floundering and lost all joy in life. I don't have many memories of my son's first two years. I realised I couldn't imagine another 20, let alone 40 or more, years as a wife and we tried mediation and counselling. But I had lost any feelings for my husband. So I asked for a divorce. Some years later I met and fell in love. We eventually decided to have children together and I fell pregnant. My daughter was due approximately 11 years and 9 months after my son was born. Around that time I was speaking to my ex husband and he told me something about our son's birth. Apparently, someone had asked me if I wanted my baby to die. You know, at that point when I had said I didn't want an operation? I filed this information away in my mind. I had absolutely no recollection of this. Had I had too much diamorphine? So anyway, I have access to the internet now and have been planning my Vaginal Birth after Caesarean. I DEFINITELY don't want another Caesarean. There was no question! There was no option presented to me about place of birth and I was told I would require intravenous antibiotics in hospital because that was the standard protocol for anyone known to be a carrier of Group B Strep. However, I had learned enough via an online forum about birth, VBACs in particular, to know that I would not consent to induction. A dating scan (I didn't know then that I could have declined this) brought my EDD forward by 9 days and although we protested that this was impossible due to my short cycle apparently the medical team HAVE to go with the machine. So eventually, after declining an induction booked for 42 weeks, my VBAC baby was born at 42+1 weeks (40+6 LMP). There was intervention but she was a VBAC! I was elated about that. I came home and after a while began posting back on the VBAC forum, finding myself sharing all the information I had so carefully bookmarked when planning my VBAC. I began to enjoy being a virtual doula and decided that this is what I wanted to do. A friend paid for a doula course and bought me some of the essential reading and I was off! I devoured more and more information, learning from others experiences as they shared their births online and slowly as I supported local women as their doula. Every year I would attend study days/conferences/workshops and I found that I was processing more and more of my own birth experiences as well as reflecting on my life as a whole. Signing up for an EFT course I found a way to go back to that time when I was asked if I wanted my baby to die. Knowing that my mind had blanked it out I used it in our training. I was able to Tap through the moment as I visualised someone standing in the doorway asking me this terrible question. I found myself sobbing and raging at this person, accusing them of insensitivity and saying all the things I should have said at the time. I eventually quietened down and came to peace. Until this point if I talked about my son's birth I wold get very emotional and often cry. Since that EFT session I have released the emotion surrounding his birth! He was 18 by this point! So now I begin to realise that my diagnosis of PND might have been better as slight Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I fitted quite a lot of the criteria. As I was connected online and in real life to a lot of women who had previous Caesareans I was talking to a lot of them who felt traumatised. And as I worked with women as their doula to have empowered births I knew that it didn't have to be this way. I realised that every birth has the potential to be empowering and beautiful for women and that any birth could be traumatic if the woman perceived it so. I attended a workshop led by Penny Simkin, When Survivors Give Birth, and realise the enormous impact childhood sexual abuse has on people, and how careful we need to be when sharing the birthing space of a survivor. The trauma survivors deal with is unimaginable. All of my birth related learning has now allowed me to reflect on my life experiences and to recognise patterns and habits I have. I make a conscious effort to work on them. I better understand many of my 'failings' and recognise the effects of previous trauma in others quite close to me. I am now doing further work to process the deeper subconscious limitations I have. Last autumn I was able to do training in the Rewind Technique. At last I had found a very simple yet powerful technique that I can use to help others to release the emotions surrounding traumatic events in their life. I was eager to start working with people to help them move on. Sadly, I had to put plans on hold due to family ill health and then bereavement. I have spent a lot of my free time dealing with clearing my mothers house, while having to take periods of time out to process grief and recharge myself. All I could do was keep myself afloat. I couldn't be present for anyone else other than those I might have been working for a the immediate time. I am now at a point where I can reflect on the last year. In fact, its been a solid three years of challenges of various kinds which have left me just about coping. But this reflecting is very useful. I feel stronger and ready to move on. But I'm fully aware that my journey is not yet finished. I am likely to face further challenges from time to time. Because I've had challenges throughout my life. This is what life is like. I can recognise now the patterns that I follow when traumatised. This started when I was a child. I look back and see that I typically lose about two years of my life when I feel traumatised. Very few of them have had any drugs involved so I can't blame the diamorphine alone for the loss of memory after my son's birth. It was that I was traumatised. Sometimes I wish I could have had the opportunities, available nowadays, back when I was struggling after my son was born. But I recognise I was not ready then and that my journey was to teach me so that I could then offer support to others now. I wrote the following a while back: I hate that I was so naive as to expect 'Them' to guide me through labour I hate that 'Their' ARM was the beginning of the end, as my baby was back to back with a deflexed head and I was lying down for Foetal Scalp Electrode. I hated 'Them' asking me if I wanted my baby to die. (It was actually a Him) I hated the shivering I hated the vomiting afterwards, so much so that I had to ask for less effective pain relief so that I wouldn't be sick. I hated having to care for a baby with an abdominal scar as well as a broken wrist (broken a week before CS) I hate that I couldn't even look at my scar for years afterwards. I hate that I ended up with PND and my marriage broke down. I hate that I lost two years of memories. I can't really remember that much of life back then. I hate that 18 years on I could still cry about it I hate that my VBAC 12 years later was affected by the primary CS and I ended up with spinal and forceps and not feeling the birth. I hate my episiotemy. I hate that I'll never get to feel a baby being born I LOVE that I've become a Doula because of my childbirth journey, and teach the Wise Hippo Birthing Programme, and offer bodywork using the NO HANDS Massage approach. I LOVE that I've met some wonderful midwives who show me what midwifery should really be like. I LOVE that I now know some very wonderful people all working to make a difference in maternity services so that our daughters and their partners may not necessarily suffer birth trauma. Being able to appreciate what my life experiences have given me allows me to continue to move forward. I am so excited about the opportunities available to us now, to deal with trauma and begin to live again. Each of us has the ability to cope, learn and grow from our experiences. We can sink or swim. We can take the challenge and choose to use it to our benefit or we can allow it to quash us. We can reach out to others to give us a helping hand or we can hide away to struggle alone. When you are challenged what will you choose to do? If you have been traumatised by your birth experience would you like to reach out to me? Will you ask me to work alongside you so that you can process the trauma, release the emotions and move on? Don't let it take you 18 years to release your birth trauma. If you are pregnant, or planning to become pregnant, following previous trauma would you like to avoid being re-triggered by anything that happens during your pregnancy and birth? Would you like to leave previous trauma behind BEFORE you have your baby? Don't you DESERVE that? If you want me to help you please contact me now. I offer a 30 minute FREE telephone or Skype call in which we can discuss how best you can process your trauma and begin to live again! #birthtrauma #trauma #RewindTechnique #ptsd #VBAC #doula #theWiseHippoBirthingProgramme

I wrote a blog post just the other day, inspired by our upcoming Embrace screening on March 8th. I wrote it to raise awareness for the screening. You can read it at Do you love your body? It doesn't actually tell you about my journey towards body lovin' but does share my own journey to body loathing. It was very cathartic to write and filled me with passion. This often leads people to be more adventurous with language and so I warn you. I'll be somewhat 'flowery' as you read on. I'm not actually that sure what led me back towards body lovin'..... It was a number of things. It was partly down to growing older. I turned 50 on February 8th. You give less of a fuck as you get older, I can assure you! But please don't wait until then. I have a preteen daughter and really don't want to see her start loathing her body. She's the main reason!! I started wanting to show by example, so I took all the stuff I'd been exposed to over the years in the birth world and I started trying to live by example more. I didn't want to contribute to the shit she will be getting exposed to via the media and her peers. We share LOADS of stuff, us birth workers, in our online communitues and when we get together, and lots of it is about growing and learning about ourselves as women, as humans. I don't wear makeup or do any of that beauty stuff that women hide behind anyway, although I guess there will be those who think that is lazy of me. Sorry, I ain't got time in my life for all that pretence! So my only real challenge was to stop getting rid of body hair. I am dark, and hairy, so it's obvious. I spent my teens and more loathing my hairy arms (they're not that bad, but to me they were). I had been in awe of friends who didn't shave and marvelled at their ability to give less of a fuck. At their ability to be confident in their body as it is, warts and all. I don't shave my legs or armpits anymore, mainly because men are not expected to, so why should women? Although, I'm aware that the product manufacturers are setting their sights on male grooming more. But also because I'm aware of the damage shaving does to the skin which would then be compounded by adding anti-perspirants which clog the pores. I understand the research is still inconclusive on this but I'm not taking the risk. That's just my personal set of risk aversions. So I will get a wax every now and again but not normally for anyone else's benefit. My legs maybe, because its summer and I want to wear a shorter skirt and it's actually a bit weird to feel the wind blowing through your leg hair! Or my armpits, because it's warmer and deodorants don't cope so well when I'm super busy. I admit it's not easy, going against the expectations of society... but in reality, most people are too busy getting on with their lives to be giving me the once over and judging how hairy I am. Seriously folks, think about it. Our natural state is very cleverly designed. Body hair is there for a reason, to keep us warm, to sense things, to keep particles out of our nose, to hold our individual pheromones which attract a mate, and so much more... In the past I've tried to engage with others online on the 'fashion' for body hair removal. We have been told by marketing companies that we need to do it and then the porn industry has compounded the fact by promoting a certain vision of the female (and male) form. With the advent of the internet and easier access to soft porn online our youths are growing up with this expectation. I am not sure I like the idea that grown women are expected to look prepubescent. Many have bought into this idea and get very defensive when it is discussed. I think that needs to be a whole other blog post, don't you? Back to my journey to body lovin'. My work as a massage therapist has really helped. I see all sorts of bodies and they're amazing. I use the NO HANDS Massage approach to body work, and during the consultation I will ask my clients to focus on what they want to feel like, not what they don't want to feel like after their massage. Because whatever you focus on, whether you DO want it or you DON'T want it, that's what you attract. For example, I stopped biting my nails (a long time nervous habit) only once I was able to focus on having clean, unbitten nails. It certainly didn't happen while I was trying to stop biting my nails... Anyway, within NO HANDS Massage we wear sleeveless vest tops because we use our arms a lot. So I've been forced to show up and Embrace my skinny arms. They have got flabbier as I've aged. Since having children my metabolism had changed and I do have body fat where I'd prefer it not to be, if I am honest. However, my arms work. They allow me to 'work my magic' on my clients and the clients really don't care what size my limbs are. All they know is that they feel the massage and release oxytocin, endorphins, dopamine..... You see, I don't do that much. My body is just a vehicle. I do the massage and the client releases whatever they no longer need that day, and their brain releases those wonderful hormones. Being a body worker has enabled me to appreciate bodies as "vehicles for dreams" (Body Image Movement) and being a birth worker has enabled me to learn more about the psychology of human beings, and visa versa. I love how the different hats I wear are connected. Birth and life, it's all part of the same continuum. And oxytocin.... I haven't even really started talking about oxytocin! It connects all elements of my work, my passion. When we release that fabulous hormone we feel good about ourselves. Again, another blog post to come. I think for me its been more of an evolution, a journey, a slow realisation, with a huge dollop of regret at everything I missed out on in my teens, twenties and thirties because of body loathing.... It's such a waste.... My body is what enables ME to share with the world the things I feel, understand, know, believe, learn. Without it I can't pass any of that on. It IS just a vehicle. When I die what makes me ME will depart from my body and if people look at it they will see that what makes me ME is no longer there, so why the fuck are we obsessing about our bodies? WE are the intangible spirit that should be able to glow from within. It should shine out in our smile and our radiant eyes, in our laugh, our voice, in our movement. THAT'S where our beauty lies. Not in the physical vehicle. So, get ready for an amazing drive. Use your vehicle to enjoy being YOU! Please comment on how you plan on being you, without letting your vehicle constrain you :-) #bodylovin #me #shaving

"My door is always open, kettle is always on and my front step is always warm and a place of peace and non judgement, any of my friends who need to chat are welcome anytime. It's no good suffering in silence. I have cold drinks in the fridge tea & coffee in the jars and I will always be here. ...You are never not welcome!! Could at least one friend please copy and repost (not share)? I'm trying to demonstrate that someone is always listening. #SuicideAwareness" Bollocks!! Ok, so variations of this are doing the rounds on Facebook with well-meaning people just now but it’s beginning to really piss me off!! Here are the reasons why: ​ Most people who share probably do have lives with commitments to employers, or others, which mean that they simply cannot be available 24/7. I know they mean well and I’m sure they feel great when they share the sentiment... When I expressed my frustration on my Facebook page a good friend shared with me her perspective on the British psyche when it comes to just popping in unannounced, as suggested by the quote above. I completely agree with her, as both of us were born elsewhere and raised in communities which felt somewhat different. In Britain it feels like it is not the done thing to actually do what the quote suggests. My late mother frequently would lament that despite telling her neighbours, who passed by and spoke to her over the low garden wall, that she would love them to pop in for a cuppa and a chat, they never did. I’m fairly sure some of you reading this will feel that your experience is different. However, it really doesn’t seem like the done thing, the way we ‘do things in Britain’. Which makes it incredibly hard to take that step and knock on someone’s door to say hello. Especially when you don’t feel especially bright and cheery. And even though they’ve offered an open invitation....... As someone who has coped with depression before, and who is currently grieving, and who has supported others with suicidal thoughts, I can quite categorically assure you that the people this quote wishes to help are NOT in a place to turn up at someone’s door. As I have already explained it doesn’t seem like the done thing, and people are often busy. Which means that getting up the strength and will to go round to another’s house is not easy, when we’re depressed, or grieving, or coping with mental health issues, including feeling suicidal. W​e are in a bad place before we even start and so we don’t feel that we can go and impose our 'black dog' on their doorstep. We worry that our friend is so busy with their own life that we can’t take up any of their time. We fear that we will turn up at an inconvenient time. If we do find the ability to go to someone’s door and they’re not in or it’s inconvenient it can leave us feeling worse! Often we feel that we really can’t put into words what we are feeling without others being judgmental, at worst, or just not getting it, at best. People will try to be reassuring or helpful but it often inadvertently makes the one suffering feel like their feelings are not validated. Have you ever said “Oh, don’t be silly, of course you’re [insert platitude here]” to someone who is explaining to you what is troubling them? So, we withdraw our ‘silly’ selves further... So, instead of sharing this stuff on social media, try calling the people you know who are currently struggling. SHOW them you care! DO something. Be assertive. Be proactive. Call them/private message them/text them and arrange to meet up. Get your diary out so that you can schedule something with them, so they know you’ve set aside time for them, so they don’t worry about imposing at an inconvenient time. And don't give up if they are not quite ready to accept the first time you suggest. Because they are unlikely to be in a place where they can make the first move. They need to be nurtured, they need to feel worthy. They can’t pour from an empty jug but you can fill it. It’s much easier to accept something that is offered than to ask for something you need, isn’t it? If you do call, leave a voicemail if they aren’t able to answer. Tell them you will call back. However, your initial contact might be all they need to have the strength to call you back first. Just don’t expect it. Of course, I am fairly sure I’ve been just as guilty when others have needed support. And so I resolve to be more mindful about this and make sure I do step up for others. I do know from experience that the idea behind the quote is actually extremely helpful. It can make a huge difference to be able to share our pain with someone who listens without judgment or conditions. It feels like a weight is lifted and we feel stronger. But to get there we need you to do more than just offer a vague opportunity. We need you to be specific with your offer. You can make a difference. BUT, and it's a big but. So many of these chain status update things are merely emotional extortion. Yes, I'm afraid it is, no matter how much some might protest. We are all made to feel like we're insensitive if we don't copy and paste. And some are downright dangerous in terms of scamming or phishing.. I'll leave you to read more about them here: "Repost this if you have a heart. Emotional extortion on Facebook" Please. stop. Think before you update your status with something you've read on another person's wall. Is it useful? Does it actually make a difference to someone? Like, a tangible difference? if not, maybe you should scroll on by. If you REALLY want to do something useful and live within Angus, Scotland you might like to sign up for some FREE Suicide Awareness training. I attended a safeTALK workshop a couple of years ago and have since used it to support others. It is my intention to attend the next level, Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST), later this year. If you live elsewhere you should find providers of these workshops local to you. In Scotland, for example, look up ChooseLife to find your nearest workshop. Disclaimer: This has become much more pertinent to me following a period of 18 months or so which included the death of a much loved pet and, recently, the death of a parent as well as a myriad of other challenges which sap the strength and confidence. I know that many of us have times like this and many cope better than others. I appreciate that my challenges might feel minor to others, or worse than others, but for each of us our own set of challenges is no more or less worthy of compassion than any others. #unconditional #depression #grief #suicide #suicideawareness #mydoorisalwaysopen #safeTALK

I first wrote the list below about 7 or so years ago. Please be aware that it might be Triggering for some. This is a post about the Trauma that some women experience during childbirth. It is very important to know that many women will have wonderful, empowered births and that lots of midwives, doulas and other birth workers are working tirelessly to improve maternity services for the better. I hate that I was so naive as to expect 'Them' to guide me through labour I hate that 'Their' ARM (Artificial Rupture of Membranes) was the beginning of the end, as my baby was back to back with a deflexed head and I was lying down for Foetal Scalp Electrode I hate that 'They' asked me if I wanted my baby to die. (It was actually a Him) I hated the shivering I hated the vomiting afterwards, so much so that I had to ask for less effective pain relief so that I wouldn't be sick I hated having to care for a baby with an abdominal scar as well as a broken wrist (broken a week before I went into labour) I hate that I couldn't even look at my scar for years afterwards I hate that I was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression and my marriage broke down I hate that I lost two years of memories. I can't really remember that much of life back then I hate that 18 years on I could still cry about it. (he's 23 years old now and I no longer cry) I hate that my Vaginal Birth After Caesarean nearly 12 years later was affected by the primary Caesarean and I ended up with spinal and forceps and not feeling the birth I hate my episiotemy I hate that I'll never get to feel a baby being born I LOVE that I've become a Doula because of my childbirth journey, teach the Wise Hippo Birthing Programme, and offer bodywork using the NO HANDS Massage approach I LOVE that I've met some gorgeous midwives who show me what midwifery should really be like I LOVE that I now know some very wonderful people all working to make a difference in maternity services so that our daughters and their partners may not necessarily suffer birth trauma I believe I am fortunate in that, although it took me many years, I have been able to process my feelings about my Caesarean birth. I wouldn't have done this had I not decided to become a doula, and then a childbirth educator, in order to help women and their families avoid the kind of experiences I had. During a training course I was able to use EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to confront the person who asked me if I wanted my baby to die. ALL the emotion was released as I yelled at the imaginary person in front of me, telling them that of course I didn't want my baby to die, how dare they say that, advising them exactly where they could go, before sobbing my heart out. I have never had a memory of that particular part of my labour. It was my baby's father who told me about that many years later and using EFT to deal with it has enabled me to release the trauma I felt surrounding my son's birth. And then I really could begin to see the positives that my experiences have provided me. Each of us is unique but sadly too many women experience some common feelings during birth such as: a loss of a sense of control not feeling heard by health professionals or support people feeling isolated and alone feeling anxious and afraid fearing for your baby and/or your own life. Around 25 to 34% of mothers consider that their birth was traumatic and up to 9%, according to research, will have symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD and it's symptoms are considered a psychological injury though, not a mental illness. You can recover from an injury but if you leave it untreated it can evolve into a mental illness like Post Natal Depression. PTSD symptoms, which are causing significant distress and affecting day to day activities and function, can fall into three categories. 1. Re-experiencing symptoms flashbacks, intrusive and recurrent thoughts about the birth re-occuring dreams or nightmares intense or prolonged psychological distress at thoughts, or physical reminders, of the birth physical distress and panic at reminders of the birth 2. Avoidance symptoms blaming yourself or others about the cause or consequences of the birth avoiding thoughts, feelings or conversations about the birth avoiding activities, people or places that remind you of the birth part or complete loss of memory of the birth negative beliefs or expectations about yourself, others, or the world lack of interest or motivation to take part in usual social activities feelings of detachment or numbness about your loved ones and friends inability to experience loving or joyful feelings reluctance to have another child 3. Symptoms of increased arousal/reactivity difficulty falling or staying asleep or restless sleep problems with concentration irritable or aggressive behavior reckless or self-destructive behaviour hyper-vigilance exaggerated startle response However the great news is that now we have a variety of therapies which are simple and yet effective at releasing the negative emotions surrounding birth experiences. EFT, more commonly known as Tapping, and The Rewind Technique are just two. Other treatments such as medication or talking therapies like counselling or CBT are available on the NHS but it should be noted that repeatedly talking about trauma can inadvertently drive it deeper and perhaps make PTSD worse. It's not just mothers who experience birth trauma. Often it is also the father because they are obviously just as emotionally involved in the birth of their child. Midwives, doulas and other birth workers can also be affected as they too are witness when births become traumatic. Women who have experienced abuse in the past might find that birth may trigger symptoms. Can you relate to the words I wrote about my experiences? Can you see the symptoms I had personally within my writing above? It really doesn't matter what the mode of birth was, whether it was a vaginal birth or a Caesarean birth, because any birth can leave someone feeling traumatised about one or more aspects of it. It doesn't matter whether you are the mother, the father or a witness. The good news is that it shouldn't have to take you as long as it did me to release the trauma from your experience. The important question is, if it's been more than 4 weeks since the birth (it could be years!) do you still experience any of the symptoms in the three categories above? If so please give me a call! In fact, if there has been any kind of trauma in your life give me a call. It doesn't have to be birth related. I offer a 30 minute FREE telephone or Skype call in which we can discuss how The 3 Step Rewind Technique can enable you to process your trauma, in just 2 to 3 sessions, and begin to live again! #birth #trauma #ptsd #RewindTechnique #recovery #midwife #doula #mother #father

Well, it had been a while since I last posted a blog and here I am again following on from my last blog post, "When Shit happens..." I don't mind telling you it was utterly terrifying, very challenging but ultimately very liberating. I can only thank Suzy Ashworth, Mindset and Marketing Mentor, for her time, wisdom, encouragement and major badassness! As I said in the previous blog post it's been a challenging 12 months all round, with that bout of labyrinthitis, which had effects that took a long time to resolve, resulting in me living very much one day at a time and with lowered self confidence. So the Challenge was a great boost! I've just watched the video I posted on Day 1 and totally cringe!! But now that I am more confident I will share videos on my website in the resources pages for those of you who don't use Facebook. If you do use Facebook check out my business pages at Karen Law - Birth Companion or Karen Law - Complementary Therapist. This is the one I shared about half way through the challenge, so a little bit wooden still. I aim to keep going, with blogging AND vlogging as it is actually good fun and a good way to share information with others. Obviously the videos will mostly be birth or bodywork related. Feel free to let me know of any topics you'd like me to cover. Woman of Wisdom #video #blogs #vlogs #SuzyAshworth

Today marks a year since I woke up unable to raise my head off the pillow, let alone stand or walk without feeling like I would fall off the planet, be sick and lose my head all at once. Scared witless I was taken to see the GP who told me I had labyrinthitis and gave me a prescription for anti-histamines. He said to come back next week if there was no improvement. Having waited about 40 minutes for my appointment in deep distress I was in no fit state to ask many questions about what the diagnosis meant for me. I came home and stayed in bed except for visits to the bathroom. I had to cancel client appointments for the forseeable future. After a while I was able to focus on my phone just long enough to consult Dr Google. What I saw about the prognosis of labyrinthitis did terrify me, I'll admit. It is likely that I was affected by a virus, although it could have been a bacterial infection, stress or a head injury, according to the results that came up. A support group online had people who had been struggling to function for months, years even!! What would that mean for my ability to earn a living? I began to notice that, as I washed my hands after each pee, my toes were gripping the floor for dear life!! I even began to see some humour in my situation. Can you imagine what the neighbours thought of me if they saw me out walking the dog staggering around as if I was three sheets in the wind? Anyway, slowly but surely I began to get back to vertical, and I'm convinced that if I didn't have a dog to walk it would have taken me a lot, lot longer to recover. You see, your brain needs to be retrained to balance again after labyrinthitis. I can recall focusing on the horizon as my point of stability. Anything else and I'd feel sick. Without the dog, I'd have continued to feel sorry for myself and unwilling to get up and help my brain to recover. Whilst my brain was doing that, however, I also realised that there was no scope for much else. My brain was so tired from working so hard to stand and stay upright it had to let go of a lot of other things. My short term memory was one thing that went. A year later I consider myself mostly recovered. However, the short term memory thing is still bothering me. And my self confidence was knocked for six too. Outwardly, people might not notice. They might think I'm perfectly fine. Inside though, it's quite another matter. To be honest, because I can't have a conversation without struggling to find words in a large number of sentences within that conversation I have been feeling very scared. Is dementia on the cards for me? How does it look to paying clients if I can't string two sentences together without difficulty? How embarrassing is it that I forget things? How frustrating is it that I miss out on events people tell me about because if I haven't written it down in my diary in time it disappears into invisible corners of my mind? Am I letting people down because I can't retain information? Or because I can't work on more than one thing at a time? So, yes, my self-confidence has suffered. So, this is me laying my soul bare. I've been going to work and attempting to portray this confident, capable persona so that I can continue to build business and earn a living. But it means that there's not so much left over. But I know that I am not alone. We're all getting by, aren't we? I have a lovely client who talked to me about her challenges. She talked about wishing she was like other 'normal people'. I pointed out that none of us are 'normal', we all have our individual challenges. And so we really shouldn't judge others by their outward appearance. We shouldn't hold ourselves up to an ideal we see in someone else, because they too are probably scraping by behind closed doors. So I hope you're not being too hard on yourself, holding yourself up to impossible ideals or comparing yourself to others. Instead, look after yourself, invest in your own self-care and be the best you can be. Swear if you need to. I have just edited this blog post to be a little more myself. Because yes, I can swear like a trooper when the need arises. I have felt a need to be the strong one for most of my life. But who is strong for me? When the shit hit the fan a year ago my partner and friends did step up and support me until my brain was able to keep me upright physically but then I went back to coping alone. Apart from my twice monthly massage, that is. But you know what, you can get so much from a massage. I can't speak for any other bodyworker but I know, that as a NO HANDS Massage Advanced Practitioner, you will get so much more from one of my treatments than just a skin polish ;-) One of the most amazing ways to invest in your own self care IS to receive regular monthly bodywork. Something like bodywork is so important to us as human beings. We are designed to receive appropriate touch. To physically and mentally need it. From before we were born. In the womb we are cradled by our mother's body. Once born we are carried by our parents until we can walk ourselves but we still return to their safe embrace whenever we need security. We have our knees rubbed when we fall. You might notice that you do this yourself if you bang your 'funny' bone, for instance. This is because soothing touch releases a variety of Neurohormones including Oxytocin, as well as endorphins and dopamine, which all affect our behaviour and general wellbeing. Oxytocin, the 'feel good hormone' is one I am particularly passionate about as it is so important in childbirth and is released in both myself and my client every time I provide massage. If you wish to understand this more you can read all about it in the wonderful book The Oxytocin Factor: Tapping the Hormone of Calm, Love and Healing by Kerstin Uvnas-Moberg. "Oxytocin is the powerful hormone involved in bonding, sex, and childbirth, as well as in relaxation and feelings of calm", which is what most of my bodywork clients are looking for, amongst other things, when they come for a massage. You see, bodywork doesn't just work on the physical body. As a NO HANDS Massage Advanced Practitioner I know that bodywork works on energetic, emotional, mental and spiritual levels as well. This is because of the Neurohormones! And this is why I receive NO HANDS Massage twice a month ;-) There is obviously a lot of other ways to invest in your own self-care. What do YOU do to replenish mind, body and soul? Now... I have been attributing my short term memory loss to labyrinthitis. It is always possible, though, that another contributor to the short term memory thing is peri-menopause. And that's a whole other blog post!! #NOHANDS #selfcare #labyrinthitis

I've just, finally, watched the Sam Faiers' documentary The Baby Diaries (you've got just 18 days left to watch). I was initially wary of watching it because I am not a fan of TOWIE or similar reality TV shows. Anyway, as I can recognise that many young childbearing women will have watched it and that it could potentially be a great advertisement for the courses I teach I decided I had better make sure I knew what was portrayed. Amongst the designer labels and glamour there were glimpses of a woman who was clearly interested in a physiological birth and breastfeeding. AND of a partner who, despite being a self-confessed mummy's boy, suggested and encouraged choices that are, let's face it, not exactly mainstream in the UK. This made me instantly feel a warmth towards him. I had been aware from conversations amongst my Wise Hippo colleagues that there was a bit of a fuss made over the way that Paul, Sam's partner, in particular had been portrayed. It's certainly not my place, or anyone else's for that matter, to judge what goes on in the family dynamic of Sam and Paul or their respective wider families. But I would like to point out that only in the last 60 or so years have we been encouraging men into the birthing room. Following many millennia of birth being a wholly woman's domain we have really only 'allowed' fathers in to the birth for such a minuscule time in history. Can we truly expect them to jump in and be everything we want them to be? I believe that we do our menfolk a HUGE disservice if we do! I think we should be treated equally in life and that neither sex should be discriminated against because of their gender but it's important to recognise that men and woman have different strengths and weaknesses, some of which are based on their gender. Yin and Yang . For example, with the best will in the world, I simply will never have the strength that a similar sized man will have. But also, I have some male friends who seem to 'get' women so well we jokingly tell them they are honorary women. Yes, there will always be exceptions to rules and as individuals our nature and nurture will have provided additional differing strengths and weaknesses. However, ultimately I truly believe that most men will tend to be more comfortable in hunter/gatherer roles while women will mostly fall into more nurturing roles. This is down to our hormones and physical, biological differences according to gender. Men and women think and behave in fundamentally different ways. So, being annoyed at Paul for falling asleep or seemingly being a bit disinterested in Sam's baby planning seems unfair. Look at the way he was encouraging her to consider place of birth and to get a midwife organised Prime example of the Guardian of the Birth Space. He was being protective, instinctively. Personally, my daughter's father wasn't terribly interested in my bump and I can recognise now that he was is definitely more of a Guardian who does best when he can be proactive. At the time I was pretty miffed that he couldn't, or wouldn't, engage with my pregnancy as I would have liked. As a doula I have worked with a variety of families and some men have been very hands on birth partners while others would be happier just being called in as baby takes his or her first breath. These men, if given a task to do like make tea, fill the pool, look after older siblings, deal with any callers etc, would be in their element. Not for them the seemingly endless hours of labour with very little to do. Not a lot tends to happen during labour, minute by minute. So, if your mindset is to be fixing things and doing stuff you can end up looking very bored and /or disinterested. I love that Mark Harris has written a book for men, " Men, Love and Birth " (available in my lending library) because he recognised that men were floundering in the birth room. Mark was interviewed by the Telegraph : Men, he says, too often just feel like a spare part - even those who have read the books and can tell the difference between a uterus from a urethra. “It doesn’t just feel powerless, it feels emasculating. At the moment when the one they love is having stuff done to her, they feel completely unable to handle it. Not only that, they have professionals around her saying, ‘can you move away’, ‘can you sit down’, ‘we’ll be back for you’ after they’ve rushed her off to theatre.” He says men - usually because they are scared and anxious - often make inappropriate jokes, absorb themselves in the sport on the hospital TV or just become “disengaged”. In my case, midway through the labour of our fourth child I left the hospital’s birthing pool and whale-music room to fill up the parking meter, thinking (probably correctly) that was the most useful job I could do. I have found that the men who have attended my courses with their partners grow to beome much more enthusiastic about birth, They anticipate being able to make use of the tools we offer them. They pick up on the tips we often provide on courses, drawing from our own experience as birth workers. How to place counter pressure on her back, just right. That she might really love a cold compress on her forehead. That it's ok that she suddenly doesn't want him to touch her, or speak. Or breathe! This is why men seem to really love the Wise Hippo classes. They learn things they didn't expect to. They become en Often men gain strength to be able to tell their partner what they see their role as being, knowing that their partner won't go off in a huff. She now recognises how best he can support her. Of course, this is also the potential benefit of hiring a doula. In fact, a doula will be actually showing him how to place the counter pressure, or suggesting that now is the time to get the cold compress out, or pre-empting the time when suddenly she becomes lioness. So whether parents decide to take a birthing class or hire a doula, or both, it is actually essential that we find ways to allow fathers to step up to birth in a way that is right and authentic for them as individuals. Back to the Baby Diaries. Whatever perceptions we have of Paul now, or of his relationship with his mother (I wish she had taught him how to cook!), we must remember that how the programme makers edited the footage does not provide a true picture of him or Sam, or Tamara for that matter (we saw Tamara teaching class 1 of the Wise Hippo course, and a video clip used in our classes). However, I am extremely grateful that home birth, breastfeeding and a snap shot of the Wise Hippo were all portrayed in a positive light. I hope that more people will now be talking about these topics rather than what they thought of the people being filmed. If you want to find out more about the Wise Hippo classes I teach or what I can offer as a doula contact me now! The next Relax, Breathe and Birth session is on Wednesday 24th February. Additionally, if you are interested, and want to come along, the next FREE meeting of the Positive Birth Group, Angus is on Saturday 27th February at 10am. The topic is Becoming a Mother. #wisehippo #relax #birth #thebabydiaries

In recent weeks there has been much discussion amongst some of my colleagues in the birth world regarding the term Hypnobirthing. There can be misconceptions about what it is and many people still consider it to be 'hippy nonsense'. Asking around I tried to find out what people consider to be 'hippy nonsense'. A friend suggested that it is: Grow your own, make your own, baby wearing, encapsulating your own placenta, bed sharing, breastfeeding on demand till they self wean, baby led weaning.... Another said: Wise Hippo ... or how it is perceived ... until one knows better. What? Even my chosen programme, the Wise Hippo Birthing Programe? How can that be? We choose not to focus on the term hypnobirthing in order that we might attract those who would be put off by it, but who still deserve to benefit from an awesome antenatal education programme. That just happens to involve self-hypnosis. So I plan to unpack the teaching involved in the Wise Hippo and in many other hypnobirthing programmes. But first let's explore a little about science as I sense that those who don't go for the 'hippy nonsense' would feel happier in the world of science... Do scientists go in for 'hippy nonsense?' Another friend, an actual scientist, explained to me that much of "the best discoveries and theories in the world were made using intuition and with no evidence. All of Einsteins theories were initially based on nothing but ideas and intuition, with one announced just this week as having finally been proven." Is that what the average lay person believes, though, when they think about science, medical science in particular? I suspect many will think of science as the bit AFTER the research proved it. In practice, many women find that their maternity care can seem very rigid, with hospital protocols dictating what happens and when during their pregnancy. In my mind hospitals, medicine and medical science all seem to go hand in hand. And feel like the opposite of my vision of a free-spirited hippy. I recall a BT advert back in the 1980's when Maureen Lipman played a character, Beattie, talking to her Grandson on the telephone. He was explaining that he hadn't done that well in his exams but he had passed Pottery and Sociology. Well, she was impressed and declared that if he had an 'ology', he's a scientist! Do we need an 'ology' to be a scientist? How many of us realise just how much science we already know? Are we aware that we have a fairly good understanding of a lot of science without having to get an 'ology' or even go on to University? Yesterday my 10 year old asked me when I started learning about Physics. I told her that my first Physics class was in first year at secondary school but as I thought about it a little longer I qualified that by saying that was the first time I had a specific taught period within the school timetable which focused on Physics. We then discussed that, in fact, even from the very start we are learning about science. As an example babies and toddlers are learning about gravity just in the act of learning to walk. Much of what babies discover in their first years is all down to science. My daughter also expressed an opinon that as a gymnast she is very aware of physics.... what goes up must come down! Back to Hypnobirthing. I originally trained in HypnoBirthing, the Marie Mongan Method, before transfering over to the Wise Hippo Birthing Programme. So I do have an understading of at least two programmes. I also have Katherine Graves' book in my lending library as well as that of Maggie Howell's brand Natal Hypnotherapy. In the UK we have a few brands to choose from which means that women have the opportunity to find the course that is right for them. I choose to teach the Wise Hippo Birthing programme becasue I like the way the content is provided, the fact that I can be autonomous in my delivery of the content, the very supportive and encouraging nature of the founders and fellow instructors and the fresh, modern design. Basically, during a full course I teach a little about the human biology of the female form and in particular the physiology of birth. So that's two 'ologies' for a start! Biology is a natural science concerned with the study of life while physiology (a sub-section of biology) is the study of normal function within living creatures. Once women begin to understand how their bodies work during pregnancy and labour, and that their babies are active participants in the process, they begin to fully trust the process of birth and can make informed decisions if their, or their baby's, health provides challenges during their pregnancies or labour. I talk about the hormones involved in pregnancy and birth. Endocrinology is the study of medicine that relates to the endocrine system, which is the system that controls hormones (the third 'ology'). Understanding the importance of the endocrine system in reproduction means that we are aware of oxytocin, endorphins, adrenaline, prolactin.... This means that we are better able to make decisions regarding our birth preferences because we understand the delicate balance of our birth hormones. Then we come to sociology (4). This is the scientific study of social behaviour or society at a given period in time. Our birthing behaviours have changed radically over the last 100 years, moving from largely birthing at home with knowledgeable women supporting us to birthing in a very medicalised maternity system set within hospitals. Anthroplogy (5), the study of human beings and their ancestors through time, will throw light on these changes. These 'ologies' are touched upon during the course which helps us see the bigger picture about current birth practices and how they impact on us as individuals. A fascinating read which can be borrowed from my lending library is Sheila Kitzinger's autobiography, A Passion for Life . This one book alone should be recommended reading! Another hugely important 'ology' is psychology (6). Psychology is the study of mind and behaviour. This is where the self-hypnosis that is taught on hypnobirthing courses really comes in. Rather than taking control of your mind and making you do daft things we actually provide tools and techniques that enable you to remain calm and relaxed, and completely in control, whatever path your birth takes. Whether we know it or not our subconscious mind keeps us safe on a daily basis and any form of clinical hypnosis, and even hypnobirthing, helps reprogramme our subconscious minds to remove limiting beliefs whilst instilling positive affirmations to make a positive change. A huge part of the Wise Hippo ethos is that we prepare you for the Right Birth on the Day. We don't guarantee a pain free birth, although that can and does happen! Rather, we intend that you have the tools, techniques and sound antenatal education that enable you to make fully informed decisions regarding your birth experience. And that is what protects women from birth trauma and associated mental health problems. Does this sound like 'hippy nonsense?' I don't know about you but it sounds like Gold Standard antenatal education to me! Including at least six 'ologies' that can come under the umbrella of science. It doesn't matter if it comes from a free-thinking, sandal-wearing, lentil-eating, actual hippy or from a midwife working in a busy teaching hospital or from a business-suited, perfectly-coiffed, modern woman-about-town, all the very varied Wise Hippos I know are passionate about supporting YOU to have the If you want to find out more about the Wise Hippo you can sign up for a brilliant information session, Relax, Breathe and Birth , for just £25 for both you and your birth partner. You come away with two useful tools to use in your labour even if you don't go on to book the full Wise Hippo Birthing Programme course. The next session I'm offering is on Wednesday, 24th February at 7pm. Contact me now if you'd like to join us! #pregnancy #empowered #maternity #childbirth #life #benefits #hypnobirthing #wisehippo #science #ology #hippy