Rewinding 24 years...

Yesterday was my son's 24th birthday.

24 years since the day that started me on the journey to where I am today. The journey is not finished but I've come a long, long way since then.

I was naive. I fully expected that the 'experts' would guide me. We didn't have the internet back then so I had no real plan for birth except that I did not want an epidural and I did not want a Caesarean Section.

My waters were artificially broken at one point and the outcome was inevitable. There was old meconium in the waters so I was restricted to bed with a foetal scalp electrode. As labour was not considered to be processing fast enough I was augmented. 15 minutes after the artificial hormones were started I was asking for pain relief!

It was decided that I still was not progressing fast enough and baby was not always happy with the artificial drip, the diamorphine and my being stuck on my back. So I was to be examined with a view to forceps.

One look was enough to realise that my baby's head was brow presenting which meant that it was trying to come down through the pelvis at the head's widest part. And of course with being on the bed and with no amniotic fluid left there was no way my baby was going to adjust his head during artificial contractions. A vaginal birth was not going to happen! ​

During my learning as a doula and childbirth educator I have come across a fair bit of ancient wisdom and was very angry to realise that there are quite a lot of things that could have been suggested which might have made a difference. I have felt extremely let down by those 'experts'.

I was very upset at the idea of a caesarean section so said as much. However, by this point my memory of the experience is gone. My mind protected me by deleting my memory from this point onwards until after my baby was born.