Yesterday I went for an endoscopic procedure. It was done to get biopsies to check how my body is reacting now that I’ve eliminated wheat, dairy and soya from my consumption since before Christmas. This will be one of the first hospital appointments since lockdown began to be eased. It meant that reception and nurses all wore masks and I’d had a telephone conversation the day before so they could check me for Covid risks. After the initial checks by nurse for temperature, blood pressure etc I was sent back to waiting area until my doctor was ready for me. I was called eventually and led down a corridor to the theatre. I could see a figure at the door of a room off the corridor and it looked like my consultant. When I say that it looked like him, I mean that it looked like he was a he, that he had the same colour of hair and looked about the same height and build as my consultant. Getting closer my assumptions were confirmed as he spoke and I was close enough to see his eyes. He was clad head to foot in PPE, of course, because of Covid19. We started speaking as he lifted his arm up to invite me to connect through touch. Obviously a hand shake is out of the question, so I raised my forearm up also and we bumped arms. This was my fifth experience of this procedure, if I’ve recalled correctly. It’s not pleasant at all. I choose not to be sedated as I do not like the feeling. The first time I had an endoscopy was when food was stuck so that might have had an impact on it. However, my body tried to remove the strange thing being introduced but I was not fully ‘compos mentis’. This was not a good combination for me. I don’t know now how I exactly reacted but I was not happy. I’m sure there was probably thrashing around and there might even have been quite violent reactions. All I know is that they had to abandon the procedure. They’d got some food removed and the rest came up while I was in recovery. They had to take me back down two days later to get the biopsies to confirm diagnosis. I choose to have these procedures now with just a throat spray to numb the back of my throat and some of my oesophagus. It tastes horrible but is effective. But I remain awake and alert and can concentrate on keeping calm. The reason for the food being stuck is Eosinophilic Oesophagitis and this can only be diagnosed by biopsies which show a density of eosinophils higher than 15/HPF (high power microscope field). At the last biopsy, for wheat, the density of eosinophils in my oesophagus were over 200! There shouldn’t really be any. And they appear to be there as a reaction to something. It’s an immune mediated response to food groups usually, although it can be other things in the environment. It also causes other physical changes to the tissues which are visible to the eye, such as ‘tramlines.’ Anyway, at the moment I’m living a normal life with no symptoms because I’ve eliminated wheat, dairy and soya from my diet. So I anticipate that the results from the ‘scope yesterday should show no or very low levels of eosinophils. When I first eliminated these food groups at the start of this journey the ‘scope then showed just 1 or 2 eosinophils. But the point of this story is coming. Although the clinicians in the room with me were head to food in PPE and I could barely see their eyes they all did their best to offer verbal reassurance. However, human beings use non verbal language to assess safety. We observe facial expressions for even the very finest, nuanced of changes. We don’t even do this at a cognitive level. This is being done by our subconscious mind. If someone tries to fake a smile their mouth might make a smiling shape but our subconscious will clock that the smile does not extend to the eyes. They won’t ‘sparkle’ and the skin around them doesn’t crease in the same way. I have to admit that under all the PPE even the eyes were not easy to observe. Thankfully I had met my consultant in his office a few times now and he was the person to do the previous endoscopy too. I have no idea if either of the nurses in the room had been at previous ‘scopes. But as this was my fifth time I knew what to expect, had made informed choices about accepting sedation and knew the person performing the procedure so I was about as relaxed as I could be considering what was coming. I AM about to reach the exact point of this story. Context is everything, you know. What I noticed in particular during the process (which is just a few minutes long but feels much longer) is that I was very aware of a nurse’s hand on the side of my head. It wasn’t just that it was there. It was that it was moving in a reassuring way. She not only spoke to me to say how well I was doing but also used touch. Let me tell you, that when your body is convulsing involuntarily and salivating in response to this foreign body it is NOT pretty. I do not feel like I am doing well. It takes a lot of concentration to remain calm and try to keep my body from reacting. I try to focus on breath and relaxation.... I also noticed other touches which were clearly designed to reassure. I can’t recall if they happened at previous ‘scopes. The final one I particularly noticed was my consultant giving my upper shoulder a squeeze as he moved away from me towards the bench to write up his notes. I can’t even recall exactly what he said at the time but I recall his touch. It also meant I could place him in the room while he was in touch with me, either while performing the procedure or squeezing my shoulder. Once he moved away and was silently writing up notes I lost that connection and felt an urge to look to see if he was still in the room. I’ve not had much physical touch and none of my usual massages during lockdown so I am aware I might notice touch much more than usual. But I’d like to think that my clinical team were making an actual effort to use touch to provide reassurance and a feeling of safety given what I know about the neuroscience of touch. During this very unusual time people are living life where they have not been seeing the people they normally see. They have not been able to touch people in safe, appropriate ways, in the way many of us do even in normal conversation, never mind receive friendly hugs from friends or relatives. And if they need any medical attention it will be from people completely hidden away behind PPE. This does not support the feeling of safety that human mammals require. So, I was appreciative of the efforts to keep everyone safe on all levels and that I am probably not going to have to trek in to get a discussion about the biopsy results in a few weeks time. My consultant said that they now consider the learning that has come out of working online during lockdown. My concern is that video/phone consults do not become routine, but are used in ways where benefits outweigh any downsides. When I had gone in for results after previous ‘scopes I recall leaving wondering why they couldn’t have telephoned me to discuss it. A lot of waiting around and parking costs all for a few minutes with my consultant. But I know how important human interaction is. If I had not been in to see my consultant to discuss my treatment plan and talk about biopsy results I would not have felt reassured by his presence yesterday. Getting the balance correct is going to be key.

Today’s Guest post comes from Tigger MacGregor of gallowaymassage.com When I discovered that a world renowned neuroscientist had published research that showed a clear link between Touch and the removal of trauma triggers I was overjoyed – for two reasons. Firstly, because it made sense of the powerful shifts and transformations I had seen in my own clients and in fellow therapists over the thousands of hours I’d spent in the training room as a student and trainer. Secondly, because the significance of dealing directly with trauma through Touch had massive potential for improving mental and physical health, especially given the findings of the ACEs study. The most beautiful thing about this Touch is that it can be delivered both by a professional in a therapeutic setting (notably through Trauma Discharge Massage or PsychoTactile Therapy) but can also be learnt by members of the public with no therapeutic training whatsoever and used to discharge trauma triggers gently, sustainably and safely (through NeuroTouch). So why am I telling you all this, letting you know about a powerful tool to deal with pre-existing traumas, or those you’re experiencing now with lockdown, at a time when you can’t access it: like Tantalus, forever thirsty with both water and food just out of reach?   Because I truly believe that this too shall pass. The Covid-19 outbreak will have ripple effects continuing for decades, if not generations – and the best thing we can do to face these changes is to build our resilience so that we can withstand the buffeting of the waves of life. Now, and as we emerge into “the new world”. There are hundreds of resources out there which offer to improve your health and resilience: it may take trying a couple to find the one that works for you. Likewise, finding a Touch therapist who’s the “right fit” may take some time. So my invitation to you is this: Learn about your breath: almost every healing tradition places the role of the breath at its very heart. Deepening your understanding of the breath, and your skill in using it to bring you into a meditative and healing space is likely to be beneficial in many areas of your life. The resource I have found most helpful for this is The 4 Breaths meditation. Explore your local Touch Therapist options: a strong relationship with your therapist, whatever modality, is hugely important to the effectiveness of your work with them. Although not working, you can contact local and, ideally, recommended therapists to start assessing for yourself if you think they would be a good “fit” . That way, when they ARE able to offer treatments again, you know exactly who to ring up and get your sessions booked in with. Take a look at their website and social media, drop them an email or even arrange a phone call. The therapeutic relationship is an important one: taking the time to find the right fit is time well spent. Be Kind To Yourself: you will already have strategies that have helped you through hard times in the past. Some will be available to you right now. Some won’t. But prioritising the time and space to enact the strategies you can access at the moment is vital. Right now your resilience is taking a beating if only due to the massive uncertainties we all face, let alone the additional stresses your individual situation brings you. So I really invite you to be kind to yourself. Have that cup of tea. Take that extra nap. Go for an extra long walk while the sun is shining. Spend time playing with your kids. You know what works for you – and looking after you is the most important thing you can do just now.

Every single human being needs to know that they are: Not alone (even surrounded by people we can sometimes feel terribly alone) Safe In charge. I was away this week on training for Clinical Development and I experienced a powerful example of this. Since the start of my NO HANDS Massage training in 2012 I was taught how important it was not to chatter during the treatment. It’s important not to disrupt the client. But now that the latest neuroscience is becoming more available to us it almost seems as if it was developed simply in order to explain the potency of NO HANDS bodywork! Adding the latest learning from Neuroscience to NO HANDS bodywork we understand why we’d been working the way we had. And is now allowing us to develop the way we work in a more powerful, trauma sensitive and healing centred way. So, at the Clinical Development I was the ‘client’ during a session one day where my ‘therapist’ was providing a Trauma Discharge treatment. This particular Treatment recognises that modern life is overwhelming us so much that most of us are living with a traumatised Nervous System. Therefore it does require more of a two way communication in order for the client to stay safe. During this training session we were reminded to check in with our ‘clients’ as a way to ensure that they have one foot still in the here and now. When my therapist paused briefly to gently ask if I was ok I raised just enough energy to say “Yup” and give a thumbs up. And immediately my body gave a big involuntary, shuddering sigh.... you know, those ones where you feel such a feeling of release, of muscles softening....? My Nervous System knew I wasn’t alone. My Nervous System knew I was safe. My Nervous System knew I was in control. All because my ‘therapist’ asked me if I was OK during safe, appropriate touch. The only way the Nervous System knows it is safe is through touch. But it is essential that this touch is safe and appropriate. Too many of us have experienced wholly inappropriate touch and now cannot accept even the briefest touch, sometimes even from those closest to us. Some had such an absence of touch in the first few years of life that our touch receptors were not primed. It feels uncomfortable to accept it. So, how do we help our Nervous Systems feel safe if we stuggle to accept touch? If we can’t allow someone to give us a reassuring hug or stroke our arm? This could take time and working with a trauma sensitive therapist who makes you feel safe and in control. If you understand the importance of touch and want to soothe your Nervous System contact me now.

‪All my life I was told I was the strong one. No, I wasn’t. There just was no space for me to be heard. So I didn’t say anything A couple of years ago after mum died I tried to talk to someone about how I was feeling, that my whole life felt like I’d been existing with nothing really to show for it, very little in way of memories. ‪“Oh don’t be silly, you’ve got two kids”‬ ‪Clammed right back up again. Gotta be strong, see? But surely I’m more than just a mum?‬ ‪Last night I happened to see a video of Sara Barielles sing ‘She Used to be Mine’ "She's imperfect, but she tries She is good, but she lies She is hard on herself She is broken and won't ask for help She is messy, but she's kind She is lonely most of the time She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie She is gone, but she used to be mine It's not what I asked for Sometimes life just slips in through a back door And carves out a person and makes you believe it's all true And now I've got you And you're not what I asked for If I'm honest, I know I would give it all back For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two For the girl that I knew" ‪Cue a sobbing mess! ‪I really don’t know who to talk to, how, where... ‬ ‪It’s all there in my head but if I try to say it out loud it seems ridiculous. How can I admit to the abject failure that I feel? ‬ ‪So, I carry on existing. There needs to be more to life than this. ‪I’d like experiences, travel, fun, freedom, love, acceptance, ‬ ‪To feel enough, to feel wanted, to feel like I matter. ‬ ‪People will say that I am. (Insinuation: don’t be silly [invalidation])‬ ‪But it really doesn’t feel like that. ‪I have no degree qualification. I was always told I had to study hard, get an education. I failed at that (there’s PTSD in there)‬ ‪People say it’s only a piece of paper, but when I look around it’s only the people with the piece of paper who seem to get opportunity & kudos. I’m not quite sure why I’m unable to trust that the many certificates I do have will be respected. They’re just not a Degree from a University, even though as much time, effort and finance has gone into them. ‪I think I’ve fallen so hard just now because I’m struggling to build business. I’m not a business person, making a pigs ear of running a business.‬ ‪While researching the local market I notice that other therapists in the area, who I know people are going to, have a degree.‬ ‪Yes, people I know are going to see other therapists, who have degrees, instead of coming to me. ‬If people I know won’t come to me wtf am I doing wrong?‬ ‪With lack of confidence it’s hard to put yourself out there as any kind of authority. But I’ve spent ££££ on clinical development. I’m learning all the time. I’m told by my peers that I’m good, that my touch is awesome‬. ‪I can’t remember not knowing what I know about the body keeping the score. So it’s hard to talk to people who don’t get it. They want to go to a sports therapist who will tell them why they have a particular pain‬. ‪And then for the therapist to fix it for them. They see the pain as an issue to be fixed. ‬ ‪But I really want to make a difference. To use the various tools I have available to help people transform their lives‬, whether through massage or other safe modalities. Aches, pains, tension, stress, depression, mental health, trauma, PTSD. What are you living with just now? ‪The problem I have is getting people in the door & on the table. Is it me? Is it the economy? Is it that they don’t realise how potent my work can be? Or maybe are too scared? (One lady had a massage, went home & left her abusive partner! Talk about transformation!)‬ ‪Safety is my main concern. We can do nothing without it. We can’t love, have compassion, build attachment, attunement‬... ‪Or release trauma. ‬ ‪Thankfully today was my scheduled massage, so I asked my therapist to use the Trauma Discharge Therapy approach rather than standard NO HANDS. ‬ I’ve been going to see her twice a month for over 7 years now, we’ve built a relationship, I feel safe. And now? I feel calmer & bit more proactive. I’ve emptied out my trauma bucket a little & topped up my resilience to keep going on with.‬ I heard my back crack as my body shifted and released. I didn’t go in for a structural massage. My therapist wasn’t doing a structural treatment at all. But my spine realigned. I know I have an appointment scheduled for some serious psychological work next month. And I continue to have my twice monthly massages to prevent my trauma bucket overflowing. You see, I’m walking the talk and working on my limiting beliefs. I’d be no use to anyone else if I didn’t. There are no quick fixes, only temporary repairs. But ongoing maintenance is everything. That’s why I know that I can help you transform your life. Please contact me to book your first session towards transformation.

There’s been some local news about bullying in a school recently. I did not see the (now deleted) video shown on social media but those who did described what many would actually call assault. The ‘bully’ was given a 3 day suspension and there are calls for bullying to be criminalised. Understandably parents are very concerned and angry. But I think we need to stop for a minute and consider what is happening. Do you believe that a happy, well rounded individual, who feels loved and wanted, bullies or attacks others? Or is it a case that the bully is behaving in such an awful way because they are living a life where they are missing love, connection and true happiness? I saw this video exploring bullying, including the experience of a self confessed bully. We need to go back to the neuroscience to understand the developing brain, which is not fully mature until around 25 years old, and what happens to it when it experiences adversity during childhood with no strong adult buffers to help it build resilience. Perhaps the person being attacked provoked the bully? Maybe the bully’s trauma bucket was full and the provoker over stepped the line? This would cause the bully to flip their lid! Maybe the bully saw another child seeming to have it all, everything they don’t have. Loving parents, nice clothes, friends... Do we really think that othering the bully, punishing them, telling them they are bad is going to make them decide to not behave in such an unsocial way? Do we really think that a teenager has any control over their autonomic nervous system? That they can override the fight/flight/freeze reaction that happens when under duress? If they are facing adversity their immature brain is unable to regulate. They get stuck in fight/flight mode. A teen with a propensity to go into fight is going to find that even someone looking at them in a way they perceive as ‘wrong’ triggers them into defence, lashing out verbally and/or physically as first line of defence. If they are facing neglect, abuse or simply disconnection they will feel that they are not important, not worthy. They might have a feeling that they are bad. Punishment by school, police, or the community is only going to reinforce the message they are already internalising, that they are bad, unwanted, in danger, with no-one caring. They will react aggressively and be looking for ways to dull their pain. Substances, inappropriate relationships, over eating, compulsive purchasing and more. Wounded People wound people In this fascinating talk, What Makes a Bully, Gordon Neufeld confirms that giving consequences for bullying is akin to “pouring gasoline on fire.” I encourage you to put aside an hour of your time to listen to the entire video (I listened while doing my ironing!). Putting it very simply, inherent in human beings is the drive to care for others (dominance) but also to be cared for (dependence). Caring for others uses the alpha instinct (to take control) coupled with a caring instinct (use that control to care for another). Individuals wounded in a way that removes the caring instinct from the alpha instinct will end up with a deep seated instinct to dominate those seen as weak. So when someone is bullying another, even so far as assaulting them, we need to ensure that they know this is unacceptable behaviour, of course. But if we don’t back this up with finding out what support they need we let them down, and we let those who are bullied down. Because the bully’s behaviour won’t change. Instead of calling for criminalisation we should be tackling bullying through an attachment lens. This is a public health requirement. I don’t profess to know the answers to how we make a difference for those who find themselves attacking others in a misguided attempt to make themselves feel better, to be in control, to be dominant. I refer you back to Gordon Neufeld in the video I shared. He says it‘s quite simple but it’s not easy! So I do think we owe it to ourselves to work on this, to find ways to support kids who bully so that they no longer need to make themselves feel better by belittling others. Basically it’s about relationships, compassion and connectIon.

What is Trauma? The word trauma is being used so much now as awareness of Adverse Childhood Experiences has increased and people have started to understand how ACEs can impact on individuals who are not able to build Resilience, the antidote to ACEs. Adults are also experiencing stress both at work and at home which is increasingly hard to avoid or release. But what does trauma mean? For a start it’s in the eye of the beholder. What can be traumatic for one individual might not be so for another. First we have to understand how the body perceives trauma. Trauma can be defined as “direct personal experience of an event that involves actual or threatened death or serious injury; threat to one's physical integrity, witnessing an event that involves the above experience, learning about unexpected or violent death, serious harm, or threat of death, or injury experienced by a family member or close associate” https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_trauma “ACTUAL OR THREATENED DEATH OR SERIOUS INJURY” So, if we refer back to my previous post I remind you that our Sympathic Nervous System is in control of this. Our rational, cognitive brain has no part in it. Our very clever body is designed to react instinctively to protect life and bodily integrity. And then, when safe, to return to equilibrium via the Parasympathetic Nervous System. All part of the Autonomic Nervous System as a whole. Look at the bush fires in Australia at the moment if you will. The first person to consider is the person experiencing the trauma first hand. For example, there are people actually living in areas with fire raging round them who are having to make decisions to evacuate or not. Their ANS will be in overdrive, as the very real fear of fire and it’s devastating possibilities is all around them. If they wake up to the fire on their doorstep they’d get out via any available route ASAP! They won’t stop to think, they’d move. But if the fire was some distance away they’d be nervous and anxious, however as it’s not imminent they would probably wait for advice. The person who has to run for their life will get to a place of safety and at that point they need to be heard, to feel secure. How does that happen? As mammals who are designed to live in communities that is best done by having others around us to listen, to soothe, to console us, to give us a hug, a gentle stoke on our arm or back. To be in community. But what happens if there is no one to do that? If we feel isolated, alone, unheard? Many people might get to safety but, if everyone is busy either working to save life or too busy with their own trauma, they may feel an intolerable sense of isolation. Or maybe they feel their feelings are unimportant while they perceive others are worse off than they are and so they don’t take a chance to debrief, to get some compassion and love from others. Their ability to regain equilibrium will be affected. They do not process what just happened sufficiently and so could remain in a state of alarm, in fight or flight. The next person is the person who witnesses the trauma happening to others. The firefighter, the first responders, the medical care providers, rescuers etc. If we see a person directly in fight or flight mode our own ANS is triggered. It’s a herd thing. If the person next to us is in danger we are then in danger. Mirror neurones in our brain react to the intentions of another when it comes to self preservation. If we see someone yawning, we yawn. It can be considered that if the other person is taking in more oxygen, we must get some too. Lack of oxygen is a threat to life so our bodies react. So, if we witness what is happening to others our ANS is in heightened alert and raising the alarm. Our cognitive, rational brain which might say we are ok will not be heard above the alarm bells of the amygdala. This will explain the ability of the first responders to work 21 hour shifts without a break. They are in fight or flight mode too. But then it’s not just the first hand and second hand trauma exposure. There’s third hand. The rest of us who are witnessing the fire and danger from the safety of our own home. The news is being beamed into our lives via the internet, televisions and radio, often as it is literally happening. We see the awful stark reality up front. Not so long ago any such news took time to reach us and was not accompanied by the vivid, live images we see today. And so our brains are reacting too. How often do you find that you feel horror, fear and devastation at news we hear and see? We’re living in times when we are hearing about and witnessing disasters, terrorism, danger and death on a daily basis. Our media sensationalise the headlines intensifying the fear. On top of this we’re not living in such a way that we get support and compassion regularly. We’re driven to work long hours with minimal time for recreation and down time. Or we don’t have full time employment and cant afford to go out socially, take holidays etc. We use alcohol, substances, food, etc to escape. We don’t socialise enough with others who care about us. We really don’t prioritise self care, it is often seen as a luxury instead of maintenance. So each stress or trauma we encounter adds to the bucket. Even if we’re not encountering trauma first hand these days we’re living with ambient trauma. Eventually the bucket is nearly full and one more incident will cause overflow. A break down. We may get to the point where we feel so ‘wired’ that someone looking at us with the wrong tone of voice can send us over the edge into rage and frustration. Have you been there? Or we encounter our own traumatic experience and have no reserves. We struggle to regain equilibrium. We end up with PTSD. It’s so important that we take steps to empty our trauma bucket regularly so that we always have reserves. That reserve is what can be called Resilience. Next time I will share with you my recent experience of encountering a traumatic memory on the massage table. How could regular massage help drain your trauma bucket?

I have been learning a lot about trauma and childhood adversity in recent years. So I was delighted to discover that Gerry Pyves had also been developing a greater interest. As the creator of NO HANDS Massage and a qualified psychotherapist Gerry had been connecting the dots between neuroscience, psychotherapy and touch. Over the last couple of years during NO HANDS Clinical Deveopment we’ve been evolving the way we work so that the power of our safe, appropriate touch really has the potential to discharge ambient trauma and help build resilience. As I’ve explained in my previous posts it is recognised that trauma is being experienced by many of us on a daily basis simply by hearing of it on the news and via our social media. We don’t just have to witness it second hand or even experience it directly. Our bodies are reacting to trauma we hear about. Think about it. Every time you read about a terrible disaster don’t you feel it in your gut? The shock, fear, trepidation? So, we no longer have to directly experience something terrible to be suffering from trauma. The more we hear and read about it the more we fill our trauma bucket. If we don’t release the load it will eventually overflow. Something simple could be the last straw and we flip our lid. The good news is that regular NO HANDS Massage or, rather, Trauma Discharge Therapy can be a powerful way to regularly empty out your trauma bucket so that you always have plenty of resilience available and avoid overfill. But that’s not all. We have a first aid protocol. Sometimes, as we sink into the trance like state massage can induce, we might access a memory from the past deep in our subconscious. These are not necessarily cognitive memories. Unresolved trauma is held within the body. So we might experience a very physical response such as a racing heart, stomach pain or tension for no apparent reason. As a bodyworker it’s important that I have this First aid protocol so that I keep my clients safe if they should be re-traumatised on my table. On the table during my massage last week. I had a very strong feeling come over me at one point. I felt like the sound became amplified to my left. It felt like I could hear my breathing, my heart pounding... in fact I felt like I was against a wall, perhaps hiding under a blanket or in a cupboard. There was a sense of terror. I felt like I was terrified of being found. This passed almost as soon as it started. I was aware of the soothing, tender touch of my massage therapist. I aware of where I was in the room. I felt safe. That day something deep within my psyche surfaced. I was able to safely release that teeny bit I was ready to let go of. I don’t need to analyse it or anything. It came up, it passed. It’s gone. That bit has gone because it came up a time when I was receiving touch that held me safe. Initially I was waiting to see if more would come up. Would the feeling continue or get stronger? But it didn’t. That was enough for today. At no point did I feel unsafe. Having done the training I also knew that Barbara has the First Aid protocols should I have gone in to full blown trauma. So she continued the massage and I didn’t need to tell her what I had felt until I was dressed. As I walked around after the massage I felt a quiet sense of calm and a feeling I can only describe as strength. The neuroscience of touch means that a little bit of some historical trauma has been released. Want to know more? Book in for a Trauma Discharge Therapy session with me.

When human beings and other mammals face an attack, a harmful event or a threat to survival the brain processes this via the amygdala and then the hypothalamus. These are part of the autonomic nervous system. The pituitary gland then secretes a hormone which releases cortisol and adrenaline. These enable the body to fight or run away. The outward signs of this include: * An increase in heart rate * Tunnel vision * Shaking * Dilated pupils * Flushed face * Dry mouth * Slowed digestion * Hearing loss * Bladder relaxation The adrenaline released increases strength for flight or flight. Oxygen, nutrients and blood flow is prioritised to the muscles, therefore digestion and urine production slows or stops. And with the brain being ready for action sleep will be prevented. The autonomic nervous system, which regulates the body's unconscious actions, contains two parts: * The sympathetic nervous system,which stimulates the body's fight-flight-or-freeze response * The parasympathetic nervous system, which stimulates the body to do normal things like digestion, rest and reproduction. Ideally when the threat is over the body returns to normal. Unfortunately if there was no relief, ie the parasympathetic nervous system is prevented from engaging fully, a person ends up with unresolved trauma trapped within their body. This manifests in behaviour which can be diagnosed as Post Traumatic Stress. So, what can be seen from this? It is clear that trauma is held within the body. The body reacted for self preservation using an automatic, unconscious system. Why do we think we should be able to rationally talk it out and make conscious decisions to change behaviour? Surely it requires a body based therapy? Part two is where I share what constitutes trauma and how ambient trauma can be safely discharged while building resilience.

I recently watched a movie called Albert Nobbs, starring Glenn Close. I posted some of my thoughts on Twitter and now put them into this blog post. I don't have time to sit with this and make sure I have good references. It may read a bit jumbled. I just needed to get in into the blog and pad it out a little bit. I will return to it and edit as necessary, especially if any reader can provide more food for thought. Glenn Close said in interview at the time of the film's release: “People desperately need connection. There's a danger now of getting further and further away from two human eyes looking into two human eyes.” “The thing that I love is that we have evolved to be empathetic. We have these neurons called mirror neurons, which reflect what you see in other people's faces." Please see the work of Peter Levine, Bruce Perry, Gabor Maté, Stephen Porges, Bessel Van Der Kolk to name but a few if you really want to understand what she said. The other day I was struck by what a client was telling me about a hotel she recently stayed at which was so automated, they hardly saw a human being! Check in screens, key cards, self serve dining.... Where’s the humanity? So, I come back to Glenn Close comments in that interview from 2011: “I think what every human being seeks is safety and connection.” Absolutely! Everybody I connect with looking to make a difference with regard to trauma agrees. Albert Nobbs, a film with trauma, women doing what they have to do to survive, set in the late 19th Century. We see glimpses into what live was like and what adversity children experienced. It's easy to see how intergenerational trauma snowballs down the ages when I think about the way people were so ‘proper', never speaking about feelings, just a few generations ago, and still today. Filmmakers/actors try to tell the story of trauma (I watched the Soloist yesterday, so will bring that into this or another post soon), and many in Scotland are trying to break the silence but we need to ensure that services & appropriate treatments are available for the adults who’ve been hidden & silenced for too long. Awareness is great. But not without sensitivity. Are we truly trauma responsive yet? I’m not seeing it in our MH services, I’m afraid. I’m certainly not hearing it from those living with unresolved trauma. So I look forward to the What Works conference in Glasgow tomorrow. I’m looking for hope. That we are moving towards a more trauma responsive Scotland. That people will stop taking their trauma to their grave. We’ve still a LOT of work to do. Because from my lay person perspective I can tell you what doesn't work: identifying the very reasonable biological responses to traumatic experiences, then giving them labels, medicating those clusters of symptoms to prevent the responses happening, categorising the individual as having a disordered personality or a mental illness and then wondering why, for so many, they are still no better many years later. In fact they are often struggling even more with their unresolved trauma but now have additional trauma caused by the medical system. What will work, again from my lay person perspective, requires a paradigm shift in psychiatry, a recognition of cPTSD, more embodied therapies to allow bodies to release adrenaline of flight/fight response, bring people back into Window of Tolerance, bring them safely back to feeling after dissociation. It will mean taking a full trauma history right back to their time in the womb, or even before. They themselves might not recognise events in their lives as being traumatic, or even remember them, but those working with them should know the neuroscience enough to be able to identify life experiences which could contribute to their body's responses in the current time. Close also says: “I've read about & met people who've had horrendous childhoods & they're the most enlightened people. They have a certain kind of soul." And this is why so many with lived experience are doing whatever they can to help others. I say it’s about time they all got to shine instead of so many still suffering. Make sure their voices are heard at conferences and in research, pay them well for their time and energy, hear them, support them, learn from them. Make sure that person centred treatments are available to them to resolve their past traumas. This is why I am extremely keen to hear about the Comprehensive Resource Model from Dr Alastair Hull tomorrow, it's why I'm looking forward to experiencing Quantum Energy Coaching next week and collaborating to have Dr Melanie Salmon talk about her approach later this month. This is why I'm delighted to be part of a very trauma sensitive approach to massage, NO HANDS Massage. We have intensive ongoing CPD which is really developing ways to support our clients to release the trauma they are ready to let go of. This affects ALL of us.

This is a long blog post. You might want to grab a cuppa and settle down in a comfy chair. Recently I went to see a film. Actually, I saw two films within a week. Both of them hugely engaging and thought provoking. And they brought up a couple of important themes I'd like to highlight. The first film was The Greatest Showman, which was only chosen because I felt I should wait to see Star Wars when my partner would be able to join us. The reviews for the Greatest Showman looked positive and my daughter was also keen after seeing the trailer. I didn't know what to expect really. I had not been privy to any media frenzy about it. Well... As we sat and watched the credits rolling (yes, I always sit and acknowledge all those who contribute to the making of films) my daughter advised me that she now had a newly increased love of music. As we drove home she was already downloading the soundtrack on to her phone and I was wondering how soon would be too soon to go back to the cinema to see it again. All thoughts of Star Wars are gone. After such an uplifting, empowering, visually vibrant, musically joyful and goosebump inducing wonder I don't feel particularly keen on anything with war, danger, fear, explosions and death. Just yet. I am sure that with time I will want to see it, particularly the late Carrie Fisher. So, the Greatest Showman is enthralling people world wide. There's no denying it. Even though the Oscars have mostly ignored it I see so many people on social media raving about it. Why? Well, as long as you can completely divorce the film from any historical accuracy you should find nothing to dislike. There is some loose reference to the real P T Barnum and his circus which I am aware entails exploitation and animal cruelty. If you were worried about that and haven't gone to see The Greatest Showman I can assure you that you will see none of that. Instead, the film focuses on the drive and commitment of a man who follows his dreams and who gives others a chance to use their disadvantages to their benefit. And woven through the film are no less than three love stories, some ending well, one not so much. And there's singing. I've not mentioned the singing yet, have I? The songs and the vocalists are A-MAZE-ING! Although my daughter downloaded the soundtrack immediately I have also bought the CD so I can listen to it wherever I wish to. Hugh Jackman, Zac Efron, Zendaya, and Keala Settle all acted and sang effortlessly and passionately. Rebecca Ferguson acted so well I didn't know at first that Loren Allred actually sang 'Never Enough' for her. All of the songs are just incredible. So well written and sung like their lives depended on it. It is really hard to choose a favourite among them. True, one or two are really only relevant to the story but many of them are so powerful people are really taking them to their hearts. In fact 'This is Me' is taking the world by storm! "But I won't let them break me down to dust​​ I know that there's a place for us For we are glorious... .... I am brave, I am bruised I am who I'm meant to be, this is me Look out 'cause here I come And I'm marching on to the beat I drum I'm not scared to be seen I make no apologies, this is me" You see, P T Barnum assembled a circus of characters who would otherwise be ostracised from society because of their looks or their disabilities. The film glosses over the exploitation and focuses on the fact that they were given a chance to earn a living. I have no idea if they truly did in the real story but what we can take from the film is a sense of acceptance, positive body image and empowerment. This is what is inspiring people across the world and resonates so powerfully in a current global culture where the media has been telling us how we should look and what we should aspire to. This is completely unrealistic as it is an airbrushed, Photoshopped creation. All over the globe I see efforts against this popping up. One of them is Body Image Movement created by Taryn Brumfit who made the film, Embrace, a social impact documentary. I have been so inspired by this that I have become a Body Image Movement Global Ambassador in an effort to do my little bit to make a difference. People are suffering because they are holding themselves up to the concocted notion of perfection and beauty which is completely unattainable. Many are finding themselves facing mental health challenges as a result. Which brings me to the second film I watched. Through the women I've met over the last 13 years I have come to understand the devastation that birth trauma can bring to their lives, their families and subsequent births. Through CPD courses I have come to understand how previous trauma can impact on the childbearing year. I have learned about the statistics. That 1 in 4 women, globally, are thought to be survivors of childhood sexual abuse. I have discovered how trauma during childhood rewires the brain and has the potential to cause huge numbers of health issues into adulthood. So, whenever the trauma happened, childhood or adulthood, it can be seen that huge numbers of people are being affected by trauma. I have personally seen this in people close to me. But the thing is.... if a person feels traumatised in adulthood they at least have the potential to heal relatively easily, either though processing the events themselves or with help though therapists. However, when a child feels trauma it will affect their brain development. Until about 20 years ago this was not fully recognised. So when the opportunity came up to go and see 'Resilience, the Biology of Stress and the Science of Hope', a film made by James Redford to highlight the effects that Adverse Childhood Experiences have on children's brains and how those children will be affected in to adulthood, I made sure that I went. There are considered to be 10 core ACEs that are the most common found in people who find life as an adult to be challenging. However there are questionnaires used by psychologists which will have many more detailed questions. Many of us might have experienced one or two and we can largely carry on with life but for those who have experienced 4 or more life can be extremely challenging. They will be more likely to be involved in crime, violence, substance misuse, teenage pregnancies and many will be diagnosed with personality disorders. Because of the changes to the developing brain their education is effected too, with poor literacy and numeracy. But as the number of ACEs increase so do the rates of physical health issues in adulthood, such as ischaemic heart disease, diabetes and obesity. Dr Karen Treisman held a TedX talk to explain why 'Good relationships are the key to healing trauma'. A very powerful presentation! Please watch it: Thankfully Dr Treisman, and others such as Dr Nadine Burke Harris and Dr Suzanne Zeedyk, are doing incredible work to support people who are being recognised as having high ACE scores and raise awareness of this issue. There is a lot of work being done now to identify and offer treatment to children to repair their brain injuries so that they don't take them into adulthood. Most of us can't comprehend how someone can 'choose' to be a drug addict, or criminal, or sleep around from a young age, or we don't know why someone would develop an eating disorder... so we might say angrily "what is wrong with you?" But we have been asking the wrong question! We should be asking: "What happened to you?" It should, therefore, be considered that "Adverse Childhood Experiences are the single greatest unaddressed public health threat... ...today" - Dr. Robert Block, the former President of the American Academy of Pediatrics. A very sobering thought..... Are you finding any of this resonating with you? Both films, very different films, bring up extremely important topics about health and wellbeing. Health and wellbeing being more important than literacy and numeracy even! Maybe you can finally understand why you struggle with aspects of your life and relationships because you realise you can tick yes to some ACEs? Or you finally understand a friend or loved one a little better because you can recognise their early history is impacting on their behaviour and life choices? Or maybe you just realise that you can be much more gentle with others instead of reacting angrily, because you simply don't know what their journey has been? I am really pleased that the UK is becoming much more ACE-aware as a lot of work is being done to inform the Scottish Government, police, educators, carers, health care providers, social workers etc. It's not too late to see Resilience, check out Connected Baby for more information. Maybe you can organise a screening in your area? Going back to the first part of this blog maybe you are one of the many people who feel uncomfortable with their body? Have you been beating yourself up for not being 'perfect', for not conforming to the media ideal? If you feel you would like to do some work on accepting your body as it is, the Body Image Movement has devised 'EMBRACE You' which is a 4-week online course that will help you learn to love and embrace your body. If you have experienced a traumatic birth contact me to discuss how I can help you release that trauma. Additional reading: #ACE #AdverseChildhoodExperiences #Resilience #healthandwellbeing

I wonder, when you look at your body in the mirror, what do you see? Do you view your body as something you cringe at? What do you think when you look at your body? Do you wish it looked different? Do you dislike parts of your body? Perhaps you wish your thighs were slimmer? Or wish that your nose was a different shape? Do you wish you were taller or shorter, lighter or darker skinned? Do you wish you had less body hair? Do you compare yourself to your friends? Or to celebrities you see on the TV or in movies or in pages of glossy magazines? Or do you honestly love every part of your body? Have you always been confident in your appearance? Have you never compared yourself to others unfavourably? When I was a young teenager I was fortunate to be able to spend a fair amount of time with my grandparents. My family moved back to Scotland when I was 9. I hadn't seen much of my grandparents before that as they had returned to Scotland long before I was born. I was particularly fond of my grandfather, it seemed that we had a lot in common, we liked many of the same foods and he was just a very large male figure in my life. I didn't see that much of my father because he would be working and then he left when I was 14 so I guess my Grandpa was my go-to male role model. My sister and I would go to their house for lunch during the school day and often go there after school. I have fond memories of sitting at my Grandpa's feet, leaning against his armchair, while he would stroke my hair as he watched the horse racing or the wrestling at the weekend. I loved my Grandpa very much and was devastated when he died three weeks before my 18th birthday. But I'm digressing somewhat..... Unfortunately, his love could not outdo the damage my granny caused. My grandparents generation had lived through WW2. My Grandpa was a civil servant and had been posted to Africa. My mother was born in Malawi and I recall hearing my Granny talking about not having much in the way of furniture. I am fairly confident that food would have been in short supply in Africa as well as back home. So, I am not really surprised that she would continually encourage me to eat more food. When you come from a place of lack it does become a focus. She would say to me: "You're far too skinny, you must eat more" "Eat more, you're too thin" "Have some more, get some meat on your bones" This seemingly endless focus on my body shape had a very real and lasting effect on my psyche. Throughout my teens I would wear clothes that covered my 'skinny' limbs. I wouldn't conceive of wearing a mini skirt because people would see my skinny legs. I wore long sleeves because I was embarrassed that my arms were like sticks from wrist to shoulder. I would see fashion clothes I liked and my mum would buy some for me but then I would lose confidence and not wear them. This must have infuriated her as a single mother trying to make ends meet. I was acutely aware of my small breasts and so would round my shoulders forward so that no-one could see just how little I had. I would wear baggy tops in an effort to hide my lack of feminine attributes. My posture suffered. My whole demeanour, when I look back, was of a young woman lacking in confidence. When I look at the young women I see around town now I grieve for the lost opportunities. I grieve for the girl I could have been, the one who would have held her head tall, who would have worn clothes confidently, who would have embraced the fashion of the day and been proud of her slim figure. So, even with the best intentions, it IS possible to deeply and even irrevocably damage a young person's confidence and self esteem... ... just with words. My Granny probably didn't mean to cause so much angst and pain in me. We must be so mindful of the language we use around our young people. Sarah Koppelkam tells us 'How to Talk to Your Daughter About Her Body' in the Huffington Post (please read the whole article). I love this quote: "Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul". Again in the Huffington Post, Lisa Bloom believes we need to start when our children are very young. She wants us to think about 'How (we) Talk to Little Girls' warning us that "teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything". I hasten to add that we must not just focus on the little girls we encounter. We must also be careful about how we talk to our little boys in ways that teaches them to respect their female peers but also in ways that encourages them to be proud of their own bodies. They too are falling prey to unrealistic expectations of their size, shape and capabilities as advertising increasingly targets men. As a woman in her 50s now I am so sad that it has only been in recent years that I could feel confident enough in my own skin to bear my arms or legs in public. I really don't want that for my daughter. I want both my son and daughter to lift their heads up high and be proud of their amazing bodies. As a birth worker and body worker I am witness to other peoples' bodies frequently. Whether that's watching a woman open up in labour, often invariably throwing off her clothes in pretty much wild abandon, to birth the most exquisite, perfect, new, little body into the world or whether it's providing thoughtful massage strokes to parts of someone's body that needs to relax and release all the tensions they are consciously and, more often, unconsciously carrying. I see all sorts of shapes, sizes and ages, male and female. And you know what? They're all amazing! I marvel at the skeleton that holds them up and all the muscles that work together to move that skeleton. And I marvel at the stories our minds listen to, process and then regurgitate to ourselves, often negatively. Why do we do that to ourselves? The media has a large part to play in this. We've allowed tv programmes, films, magazines and advertising to promote such an unrealistic ideal of the human form that none of us can live up to. Not even the actors and models used. They are rarely portrayed without extensive touching up via software available in the digital world now. Everything we're ever exposed to is processed by our conscious mind and then filed away somewhere deep in our subconscious mind, often even forgotten about (but only by our conscious mind). So, although our conscious mind be able to rationalise various thought processes, our subconscious is very much more powerful and will keep telling us that, according to everything we've previously been exposed to, we should look a certain very sanitised, bodyhairless, perfected, idealised way. And when we simply cannot come close to that ideal we crumble and tell ourselves we'll never be good enough, pretty enough, clever enough, perfect enough.... ENOUGH already!!! It's time to Embrace our perfectly flawed selves. Embrace the perfectly rounded, the perfectly boney, the perfectly small, the perfectly large, the perfectly disproportioned...... the perfectly INDIVIDUAL and imperfect. It's time to Embrace our uniqueness and not compare it our younger selves, to anyone else and most definitely not to any manufactured ideal in the media. So, in order to gain strength and resolve to stand up for your fabulous body I invite you to come along to a screening of Embrace on June 26th in the Odeon, Dundee at 6.45pm. Wondering about bringing your child/teenager? Read the Parents Guide here! You can also choose to join us in a private Facebook group or like and follow our public page Embrace is Taryn Brumfitt's debut film. She posted an unconventional before-and-after photograph in 2013 which was seen by more than 100 million people worldwide and sparked an international media frenzy. Taryn continued her crusade exploring the global issue of body loathing and is now bringing Embrace to film theatres around the world. It was an absolute no brainer for me. I had to make sure it came to a cinema near me so that I could watch it with my daughter. So I contacted Demand Film and am now working with Tina McGuff to promote the film. We need enough people to reserve tickets before Saturday 25th February in order for the screening to go ahead. So, please, reserve your tickets and tell everyone you think would be interested. That is, anyone who owns a body! Get your tickets here for the Dundee showing on June 26th 2017. Watch the trailer below!! #Embrace #Ihaveembraced #BeBoldForChange #TarynBrumfitt #bodyimage #Embrace #bodyloathing #BeBoldForChange #IhaveEmbraced

This is the question I probably get asked most often when I tell people I offer NO HANDS® Massage. They are confused at the idea I won't be using my hands. Well, my hands are still useful. They are needed to get the massage balm out of the bottle. I can't remove them from my wrists so they inevitably still come into contact with your body. But they are not the main instruments in my massage. "So what do you use, your elbows?" comes the next question. No. I rarely use my elbows. I use what I, as a NO HANDS Massage therapist, call my Soft Fronts. Hold your fist up. Go on... Now clench your hand. Then use your other hand to touch the fleshy part of your forearm. How does it feel? Then release your fist and let your hand go floppy. How does the fleshy part of your forearm feel now? Yes, it is soft and squidgy, isn't it? Previously it had felt quite firm, I'll bet. So that is the Soft Front. In the picture above can you see that Gerry Pyves (the Founder of the NO HANDS Massage approach) is using his Soft Front to massage his client? It's massage, but not as we know it! This new massage works because I use my Soft Fronts and my body weight. Between my Soft Front and my body weight I can provide a gentle, comfortable, soothing massage that can be as light as a feather or feel as deep as if I am reaching right into your bones! Without any pain! Yes, I don't cause you pain when I massage you. What's the point in that? If you're expecting it to be painful you are far less likely to relax. If you are tense, everything feels more painful and muscles will not be receptive to massage either. It's far better that you can release and allow the massage in. The speed is another important aspect of your massage which needs to be identified prior to you getting onto my table. Do you want it to be slow and nurturing, or perhaps faster and more invigorating? How do you want to feel after the massage? This is also hugely important and I will ask you to consider this question every time I see you. Doing so helps you to identify the positive images you will focus on as I am working. I will remind you to breathe deeply, in your own rhythm as you focus on how you want to feel and in doing so you will be far more likely to have the outcome you expect. You have the added safety factor in that you can use our 'Ouch Contract' at any time. If anything I do is painful, uncomfortable or requires adjustment you just need to tell me. If I'm going faster, slower, lighter or deeper than you anticipated and you need me to change, I will listen. I won't be interrupting you on the table with questions because who wants to have to think when they are drifting off into a dream like state? If I don't hear from you I carry on with my massage without distracting you. Doesn't that sound like a little bit of heaven?​​ There's also a huge amount of science showing that your brain will be releasing hormones such as Oxytocin (the feel good hormone), Endorphins (pain relieving hormones) and Serotonin (a neurotransmitter necessary in many functions of the body). As NO HANDS Massage involves much more skin to skin contact than traditional massage it seems reasonable to me to think that it will involve the release of much more of those wonderful hormones. However, the benefits are not limited to you, my client on the table. I also receive these benefits and more! As well as receiving everything that skin to skin brings the whole reason NO HANDS Massage exists is to prevent therapists from the kinds of injury that traditional massage often results in. I didn't wait to suffer from Repetitive Strain Injury in my wrists or back ache, which could lead me to having to reduce the number of massages I can do in a day or even retire early. Within a year of gaining my ITEC Complementary Therapy qualification in 2011 I had signed up to Transforming Touch to begin my NO HANDS Massage journey and have never looked back. I find that the mindset of my NO HANDS Massage 'family' is very similar to that of the 'Wise Hippo Pod' and my doula sisters. So don't ask me to offer you an 'ordinary' massage. I won't settle for anything less than NO HANDS Massage. If you are reading this as a massage therapist you can find out more about Transforming Touch here. There are a variety of training courses around the UK now. Qualified in Aromatherapy I can incorporate essential oils into your massage and I will work with women in pregnancy. Have a browse through my Body Work pages to find out more and then book a session so that you can "Just Feel it" for yourself! You might want to like my Facebook page to be kept up to date with any special offers or read interesting links I share. #massage #NOHANDS #reiki #heaven #benefits #dream #gentle #comfortable #soothing #relaxing #deep