Walking the Talk. Why you should come and see me.
All my life I was told I was the strong one. No, I wasn’t. There just was no space for me to be heard. So I didn’t say anything
A couple of years ago after mum died I tried to talk to someone about how I was feeling, that my whole life felt like I’d been existing with nothing really to show for it, very little in way of memories.
“Oh don’t be silly, you’ve got two kids”
Clammed right back up again. Gotta be strong, see? But surely I’m more than just a mum?
Last night I happened to see a video of Sara Barielles sing ‘She Used to be Mine’
She's imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won't ask for help
She is messy, but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine
It's not what I asked for
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out a person and makes you believe it's all true
And now I've got you
And you're not what I asked for
If I'm honest, I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two
For the girl that I knew
Cue a sobbing mess!
I really don’t know who to talk to, how, where...
It’s all there in my head but if I try to say it out loud it seems ridiculous. How can I admit to the abject failure that I feel?
So, I carry on existing. There needs to be more to life than this.
I’d like experiences, travel, fun, freedom, love, acceptance,
To feel enough, to feel wanted, to feel like I matter.
People will say that I am. (Insinuation: don’t be silly [invalidation])
But it really doesn’t feel like that.
I have no degree qualification. I was always told I had to study hard, get an education. I failed at that (there’s PTSD in there)
People say it’s only a piece of paper, but when I look around it’s only the people with the piece of paper who seem to get opportunity & kudos. I’m not quite sure why I’m unable to trust that the many certificates I do have will be respected. They’re just not a Degree from a University, even though as much time, effort and finance has gone into them.
I think I’ve fallen so hard just now because I’m struggling to build business. I’m not a business person, making a pigs ear of running a business.
While researching the local market I notice that other therapists in the area, who I know people are going to, have a degree.
Yes, people I know are going to see other therapists, who have degrees, instead of coming to me.
If people I know won’t come to me wtf am I doing wrong?
With lack of confidence it’s hard to put yourself out there as any kind of authority. But I’ve spent ££££ on clinical development. I’m learning all the time. I’m told by my peers that I’m good, that my touch is awesome.
I can’t remember not knowing what I know about the body keeping the score. So it’s hard to talk to people who don’t get it. They want to go to a sports therapist who will tell them why they have a particular pain.
And then for the therapist to fix it for them. They see the pain as an issue to be fixed.
But I really want to make a difference. To use the various tools I have available to help people transform their lives, whether through massage or other safe modalities.
Aches, pains, tension, stress, depression, mental health, trauma, PTSD. What are you living with just now?
The problem I have is getting people in the door & on the table. Is it me? Is it the economy? Is it that they don’t realise how potent my work can be? Or maybe are too scared? (One lady had a massage, went home & left her abusive partner! Talk about transformation!)
Safety is my main concern. We can do nothing without it. We can’t love, have compassion, build attachment, attunement...
Or release trauma.
Thankfully today was my scheduled massage, so I asked my therapist to use the Trauma Discharge Therapy approach rather than standard NO HANDS. I’ve been going to see her twice a month for over 7 years now, we’ve built a relationship, I feel safe.
And now? I feel calmer & bit more proactive. I’ve emptied out my trauma bucket a little & topped up my resilience to keep going on with. I heard my back crack as my body shifted and released. I didn’t go in for a structural massage. My therapist wasn’t doing a structural treatment at all. But my spine realigned.
I know I have an appointment scheduled for some serious psychological work next month. And I continue to have my twice monthly massages to prevent my trauma bucket overflowing.
You see, I’m walking the talk and working on my limiting beliefs. I’d be no use to anyone else if I didn’t. There are no quick fIxes, only temporary repairs. But ongoing maintenance is everything.
That’s why I know that I can help you transform your life.
Please contact me to book your first session towards transformation.