Let’s talk about Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Living with undiagnosed Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) has been a journey filled with challenges, triumphs, and countless lessons. I often wrestled with procrastination and a lack of focus, but I didn’t know why. By sharing my story, I hope to shed light on these struggles and offer practical strategies that have made a real difference in my life. Understanding Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder ADHD is often characterised by difficulties in maintaining attention and organising tasks. It can feel like my thoughts are constantly bouncing around, making prioritising tasks daunting. This not only disrupts daily life but can also lead to procrastination—a behaviour particularly common among women experiencing ADHD. Research suggests that women are frequently underdiagnosed and face unique challenges. Studies indicate that men are diagnosed with ADHD three to four times more often than women. Many women go unnoticed due to their ability to mask symptoms and the absence of the hyperactivity element. I certainly didn’t realise ADHD could exist without visible hyperactivity. Social expectations to appear organised and focused only amplify feelings of self-doubt and procrastination. A serene reading nook inviting focus and calm. Procrastination and ADHD For years, procrastination shadowed me like a constant companion. My to-do list grew longer while I got distracted by endless scrolling on social media. Actually, who am I kidding? I didn’t even manage to write to-do lists! It’s often not until later in life that people begin to question whether they might be living with ADHD. Perhaps a child’s diagnosis prompts parents to notice patterns in themselves. In my case, I started researching ADHD to better support people in my work and private practice. When I discovered Sari Solden’s books, I was dumbfounded. Although I haven’t received a formal diagnosis, it felt like she was talking about me! I get so frustrated with my tendency to procrastinate. Even when I know that starting tasks would make them easier, I still put them off until the last minute. I even procrastinate about going to bed—determined to have an early night, yet somehow still delaying it. It’s ridiculous! Identifying Triggers The first step in overcoming procrastination was pinpointing my triggers. I learnt that certain tasks or environments left me feeling particularly overwhelmed. Large projects often seemed insurmountable, prompting me to avoid them altogether. Through self-reflection, I discovered that breaking tasks into smaller, manageable parts helped significantly. For example, rather than attempting to clear an entire room, I now focus on just one drawer or corner. This small change created a sense of accomplishment and gradually diminished my tendency to procrastinate. There are many other symptoms people with ADHD experience, and many resonate with me. Forgetting to eat or drink is a common one—I’ve just realised my tea has gone cold! I call this my “object permanence issue.” Anything or anyone not front and centre of my focus tends to get overlooked. For example, if I put something away in a “safe place,” I’ll struggle to find it again—or even forget I have it. Creating a Supportive Environment I soon realised that my environment played a crucial role in my focus. Initially, I dismissed the idea that surroundings could impact productivity, but my experience proved otherwise. My part-time job has taught me to be more organised, although my home life is still a work in progress. Decluttering my workspace and removing unnecessary distractions helped me feel more centred. I’ve also added bright lighting and calming colours to create a tranquil atmosphere. A tidy, inviting space makes it easier to tackle tasks head-on Implementing Practical Strategies Practical strategies have been essential in managing my ADHD and overcoming procrastination. Here are two approaches that have worked wonders for me: Time Blocking : Allocating specific time blocks for focused work has been a game changer. Using reminder apps helps me stay on track, and dedicating defined timeframes to tasks minimises distractions while boosting my concentration. Pomodoro Technique : Working in short bursts of around 25 minutes, followed by five-minute breaks, prevents burnout and keeps my mind refreshed. These techniques have empowered me to regain control and tackle tasks that once felt impossible. While I’ve mastered this approach at work, I’m still learning how to implement it more consistently at home. The Role of Self-Compassion Throughout this journey, I’ve learned the importance of self-compassion. It’s okay to have off days. Adopting a gentler mindset has eased the harsh self-critique that used to plague me and helped me appreciate even small progress. When I feel overwhelmed or procrastinate, I pause, breathe, and remind myself that setbacks are part of the process. Embracing ADHD is not a weakness; it’s simply a part of my life that requires patience and understanding. Reaching Out for Help There were times when the weight of ADHD felt overwhelming, but getting support from my team leader and colleagues has been transformative. Opening up about my experiences helped me feel less alone, and their understanding and encouragement have been invaluable. In addition, connecting with support groups and online communities has provided comfort and practical advice. Hearing others share similar struggles reminded me that I am not alone in this journey. Together, we can learn, grow, and support each other in finding strategies that work for our unique experiences. A tranquil tea setup promoting focus and reflection. Moving Forward with Purpose Overcoming procrastination with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder has been a continuous journey of understanding, strategy, and self-acceptance. By identifying my triggers, creating supportive surroundings, and implementing practical strategies, I am finding my focus. It’s crucial for women with ADHD to recognise that their journey is unique and to approach it with kindness. By challenging societal expectations, we can build lives filled with purpose and fulfilment, one step at a time. I hope that by sharing my story, I can inspire others facing similar challenges to take charge and find their own paths to success. With dedication, perseverance, and self-compassion, it is entirely possible to overcome procrastination and nurture the focus we all desire. Share your thoughts: How do you manage procrastination with ADHD? Let’s discuss in the comments #AttentionDeficitDisorder #ADHD #women #procrastination #inattention #disorganised #clumsy #forgetful #LosingThings

Earlier this year, I had a confrontation with someone who claimed I was entirely at fault. I attempted to defend myself and apologized for my role in the situation, but I also highlighted how I had tried to prevent it initially. At the time, I couldn't present a strong defense because I was stressed and unsettled by the person's aggressive, accusatory approach. The next day, once I had settled down, I began to think about the situation. I realized where I could have behaved differently and considered how I might have acted if I were in the other person's position. This led me to question why they didn't act as I would have, which could have avoided the conflict. This person chose not to take the preventive measures I would have taken, and then accused me of being wrong. I tend to reflect on how I handle situations. I wonder why others don't think or behave the same way I do. I recognise this is because their life experiences are different from mine. This situation reminded me that I don't handle confrontation well. I find it very difficult to defend myself. I can spend hours, even days, reflecting on what I could have said or should have said. I think about how I could present my case and persuade them to see my perspective. However, I doubt they would understand or give me the benefit of the doubt, so I remain silent and never set the record straight. This traces back to my childhood. If I supposedly did something wrong (I can never remember what it was), I would be disciplined according to the standards of the time. I was spanked. I was sent to my room to wait for a parent to return with a flip flop, to be spanked on my bare bottom, each strike punctuated with "Don’t. You. Ever. Do. That (whatever it was) . Again." I was a child, under seven years old when this occurred. A crucial period in brain development. In ‘What Happened to You?’ Oprah Winfrey shared her experience of being spanked. Although it was more severe than mine, our childhood minds reacted similarly. She quoted a black comedian who once said, “the longest walk is to get your own switch.” For me, the longest wait was for my parent to come back, aware of the pain that awaited me. I would be in tears, hoping my distress would make them go easy on me. This stopped as I grew older, but I can recall moments in my teens when I stood, paralyzed with fear, watching my parent angrily scold me for whatever I had done wrong this time. If I attempted to justify or explain myself, I would never "win." I was brought up to respect my elders, which implied that it was unacceptable to speak back to any authority figures: parents, teachers, police, clergy. As a result, I found it almost impossible to assert myself when talking to partners or friends, never mind others in public. Consequences Due to their size, children might not feel capable of fighting or fleeing, leading them to be more likely to freeze or fawn. Regardless of whether they face subtle negative experiences or severe continuous abuse, if they lack the opportunity to discuss their experiences with a safe, trusted adult, their Autonomic Nervous System will store this unprocessed trauma in their body. And it will show up in adulthood. It can manifest as anxiety disorders, depression, dissociative episodes, low self-esteem, anger, and hypervigilance, impacting their capacity to function, live fulfilling lives, and maintain loving relationships. I acknowledge that I wasn't subjected to daily beatings, neglect, abuse, or verbal attacks. I am thankful that my parents did their best, although they did make mistakes. My experience shows that the brain responds to perceived threats regardless of their severity. Fortunately, I was drawn to nurturing and healing roles, initially as a doula and childbirth educator, and later incorporating massage and complementary therapies. Each of these required experiential learning and I consistently engage in ongoing professional development. This means I've working on my own personal healing journey. Healing As an adult, I used to say, "Spanking? Never did me any harm." However, after learning about developmental trauma through courses, extensive reading, and attending conferences, I now understand the damage it caused. Since adding QEC (Quantum Energy Coaching) to my qualifications, I have experienced significant healing. I no longer bite my nails, Imposter Syndrome doesn't weigh me down, a lifetime's poor body image has gone, and I feel more assertive and confident. Processing a lifetime of experiences takes time; there's no quick solution. However, QEC is more efficient, requiring fewer sessions than traditional treatments. So... “Spanking? Never did me any harm” ?? Yeah, right! (Heavy sarcastic tone)

On Wednesday, several teams gathered for a day in Edinburgh with the senior leadership at the charity where I work. For a colleague and me, this meant taking an early bus for more than 2.5 hours, followed by a taxi ride from the city center to the venue to arrive on time. The trip back resulted in me arriving home 13 hours after departure. On Thursday, I felt quite off I managed to stay composed while interacting with those I support, but I had little energy for myself. A key takeaway is to keep my schedule light the day after any major team events in the future. The Aftermath However, a more important lesson emerged for me. I realized it on Friday. Since I work part-time for the charity, Friday is a day off except for my private practice. Regardless, I relaxed in the morning and then took the dogs for a lengthy walk in the fresh air as I knew I needed to focus on self care. I took this time to reflect on the taxi journey. Throughout the entire journey, the black cab driver launched into an extended rant. I'm not sure what triggered it. Essentially, he was portraying individuals with drug or alcohol addictions as making lifestyle choices. He claimed they received substantial benefit money and support while being unable to hold a job. Meanwhile, hardworking people like him face struggles I remember my colleague responding to the driver and sometimes tapping my foot with hers trying to get my attention. I wondered why she even engaged in conversation with him. I wish I had confronted the driver at the end of the journey and supported my colleague. On Friday, I thought about why I behaved this way . Eventually, it all made sense. I was in a confined space at the mercy of a man who was ranting and becoming increasingly loud. His driving felt somewhat unpredictable, and I often held on to a handle as he avoided other vehicles and took corners. I did not feel safe on many levels. I now realize that I entered a freeze response. This is my default reaction when I feel unsafe. I often don’t speak. I can’t speak. Paralyzed by Fear This pattern has existed for as long as I can recall. For much of my life, I was unaware of it. However, through different training courses and self-directed learning as a therapist, I have gained an understanding of my freeze response as part of my autonomic nervous system when becomes dysregulated. Part of me consciously decided not to interact with this man, but because I didn't feel secure in an unfamiliar city, and was at the mercy of an angry-sounding stranger, my autonomic nervous system froze. I could not fight; I could not run. All I wanted was to leave that taxi. As soon as we got there, I hurried into the venue, concentrating on arranging a cup of tea and finding the toilets. I simply needed to feel secure again. And breathe…. However, after a demanding day and a lengthy trip back home, coupled with a busy schedule the following day, I experienced a persistent dull headache throughout Thursday and felt dehydrated. I was quite drained. Restoring Balance I realized I needed to restore my energy. The only moments I felt more like myself were when I could set aside my own concerns and concentrate on someone else. Taking a break and going for a long walk with the dogs in the fresh air on Friday greatly benefited me. I contacted my colleague, who mentioned that she had also been having a tough time since Wednesday. We were able to provide each other with understanding and kindness. Options for Recalibrating the Nervous System Had I not felt that I returned to equilibrium, I could have selected from various options to reset my autonomic nervous system. The three options I am most inclined to consider are: •   Utilizing the three primal moves from the Self Soothing sessions I have been developing. •   Scheduling a professional massage, specifically a Trauma Discharge Massage .  •   Employing QEC , either on my own or with the assistance of another QEC Practitioner. In contrast to cognitive talking therapies or the use of medications (whether through pharmaceutical drugs or self-medication with street drugs or alcohol), the options mentioned above directly engage and recalibrate the autonomic nervous system, which is responsible for initiating the fight/flight/freeze responses within our subconscious brain. The Importance of Addressing Root Causes Our subconscious harbors deeply ingrained limiting beliefs and unresolved trauma. For instance, we might convince ourselves that caterpillars are harmless, yet seeing one might still invoke fear due to a childhood incident of being stung (a true story!). The subconscious mind can override our logical thoughts until we address and heal the emotional wound caused by the unhealed trauma of the experience. True, lasting healing occurs only when the root cause is addressed. Cognitive therapies might show temporary improvement, but there's a risk of relapse if the autonomic nervous system later detects a trigger. Additionally, treating symptoms with medication does not tackle the underlying cause. Addiction: A Misunderstood Struggle Individuals addicted to drugs or alcohol often began by using cannabis or alcohol to temporarily escape their distress. Their dysregulated autonomic nervous system depends on these substances to feel 'safe,' making life intolerable without them. If the underlying pain isn't addressed and they aren't helped to regulate their autonomic nervous system, the need for self-medication persists, leading to addiction. I should also remind you that addiction isn't limited to drugs or alcohol. It encompasses any behaviour that provides temporary relief or pleasure but leads to unintended harm, yet the individual feels unable to cease. No one would choose this path if they had alternatives. Addiction is NOT a lifestyle choice. This is what I wish I could have explained to that taxi driver.

On Thursday 8th October I was delighted to receive my latest certificate. I am now a certified QEC Practitioner.  “What’s that?” you may ask.... Well, it’s a wonderful way of supporting people to make lasting changes to their lives. Most (all?) of us are living with some limiting beliefs which we’ve picked up along the way. Does anything from this list apply to you? Perhaps you can’t help doubting your own abilities? Even though you have a great job do you always worry that you’re going to get found out as being not good enough (Imposter syndrome)? Maybe you’re not the most confident person? Are you living with fear and anxiety? Do you find yourself procrastinating jobs you know need to be done until the very last minute? Is your weight an issue or do you live with an eating disorder? Would it be great if you could stop consuming so much (alcohol, sugar, coffee, compulsive purchasing, social media, drugs, gambling...)? Do you always put yourself last? Are you stuck in grief or loss? Is getting to, or staying, asleep every night an issue? Have you experienced sexual assault or trauma which has led to Post Traumatic Stress? Are nightmares and flashbacks from a traumatic event limiting your ability to function day to day? Do you have a health condition that you cannot seem to come to terms with? Has the Covid-19 virus situation this year caused you extreme stress and worry? You may be able to identify something else not mentioned which is challenging for you... The wonder of this qualification is that although I can see clients face to face in my therapy space, QEC can also be done very effectively via video conferencing tools such as Zoom. The training was delivered online so I can vouch for the beautiful way it works even when we’re not in the same room. So you don’t even need to live local to me. QEC was developed by Dr Melanie Salmon, a South African born GP with over 40 years experience. Much of that was as a GP in the UK. Her skill set included Gestalt Psychotherapy and she was also a trainer in TRE. She had her own lived experience of trauma and was frustrated at the length of time her patients seemed to require in therapy with little to no real improvement. She explored all sorts of modalities looking for something that actually worked.  When she discovered the work of Bruce Lipton PhD, who is a cell biologist, she found the information she needed to start developing QEC. It is based on the neuroscience I have been learning about personally and within our continued professional development in the NO HANDS® Massage Association. So it is a natural addition to my massage work. Using QEC Melanie has lifted the trauma she had been living with and changed her life. She is now training people around the world so that this amazing gift can change other people’s lives. It is truly transformational. Another fabulous benefit is that it doesn’t require years of ongoing work.  Unlike traditional psychology or psychotherapy a journey through QEC probably won’t last much more that 12 sessions at most. Six sessions may well be enough for many people. If someone has done a lot of work on themselves already they may find that just one or two is enough to unlock that last key required to make the shift they couldn’t quite achieve. With experience of QEC people will easily recognise when they may wish to book in again with their QEC practitioner in future. Sometimes life throws us curveballs which bring up something new to work on.  Check out the two Testimonials below and If you would like to find out more please get in touch. QEC Testimonials "I wasn’t sure how QEC would work for me. I had previously gone through 10 years of private counselling and felt that I never quite got to the ‘root’ of my issues. I was advised that any time I was making any progression my self conscious would kick in and stop me which was doubly frustrating for me.  I now believe that this was due to the therapy we were using was top-down, and due to the trauma I had suffered wasn’t suited to me. When I met Karen a lot of things were going on in my life. I instantly felt at ease with Karen, and opened up more than I have with anyone in a short space of time. In between our sessions an event happened that  triggered my PTSD. I was very anxious and on edge but Karen was very reassuring and her empathy and the work we carried out in that session that day was life changing. I have struggled with low self esteem most of my life, and with just a few sessions with Karen I have noticed a dramatic change. This didn’t happen instantly but gradual little changes that I have noticed over time since our sessions ended. I recently started a new job and thanks to our sessions, it is the first time in my whole life that I have not been consumed with anxiety and self doubt. My manager even commented in how she feels as though I have worked in that job for a long time as I am so confident and self assured in my position. I believe this is down to the work we done in the QEC sessions!" - LG "Since doing a few QEC sessions with Karen a few weeks ago. I've noticed a huge shift in my confidence and assertiveness when having difficult conversations/interactions with my ex's family. I feel I've been able to reach for support when needed, communicate more effectively with my mum and been better equipped in handling day to day parenting stuff. As an aside as well I’ve lost 9lbs, I feel fitter than I’ve ever been. My nails are grown and for first time in years I’ve not got a red bit under my chin (where I normally pick at when I am stressed), its finally healed. I wouldn't hesitate to go back to Karen for further sessions if required but at this time I feel more in control, grateful and happy in myself than I have ever felt. I cant thank Karen and QEC enough" - MS Want to find out if QEC can help you? Contact me now to arrange a FREE no obligation 30 minute Discovery Call. We can discuss, in confidence, what you are concerned about and you can ask any questions not answered here. Sessions will be held over Zoom at a mutually agreed time and date. Book now!

A young woman has been jailed for being suicidal. Her desperation led her to self medicating with alcohol and repeatedly going to a bridge she thought she could jump off to end the pain of living. Reading the news article I see that she has experienced trauma during her childhood years and understand why she cannot seem to find any peace. She is living with unresolved trauma. All the judge could see was the inconvenience this caused to others. He said her behaviour was "attention seeking of its worst kind" and put all the blame on to her, punishing her for her body’s responses to very traumatic experiences. This makes me so very angry. She’s barely an adult. So what has she experienced to date? We are told she had a difficult upbringing. Yet she is pathologised and blamed for what has happened to her and her inability to function now as a result. Read on if you wish to understand why I’m angry. Have you ever been in a building when the alarm was ringing and couldn’t be switched off? I could not think straight when it happened to me last year. The stress, the noise, the pressure to do something was more than I could stand. Our Autonomic Nervous System is part of the subconscious mind which regulates all the functions we don’t need to actively focus on, such as digestion, blood pressure, heart rate, urination and defecation, breathing, body temperature, and... the Fight/Flight response. In normal circumstances part of the brain called the amygdala sounds the alarm when it senses a threat to life. It tells you to do something now! It releases adrenaline which will enable you to fight or run from the threat depending on which is most appropriate. If neither is you might go into freeze in the hope that the predator will lose interest and give you a chance to escape. And for some of you the only option might be to do whatever might keep an attacker from getting angry so you do what they say to prevent greater harm. This is what is known as the ‘fawn’ response. None of this is a conscious decision. Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn So, this short term response is the body’s innate self preservation, which is designed to be activated for brief periods. Then when the threat to life is over the adrenaline released will dissipate and the body return to normal. Equilibrium will return. This requires that you feel safe again, that you have the opportunity to make sense of what just happened. It also requires that you have the time to allow your body to discharge the energy that was released. If your body has resorted to freeze or fawn as it comes out of that it will tend to need to pass through an adrenaline rush before coming back to normal again. If you can’t make sense of it all, don’t have a chance to talk to someone else about it, or don’t give your body the chance to expend the unspent energy it will seem to get stuck within the body. Energy doesn’t just disappear. It needs to discharge. Telling someone else you can trust about the shock you just had will discharge that energy. Going for a run, or using a punch bag can be how some people choose to release their stress. Allowing the body to tremble and shake until it settles will dissipate it. However, this is often not recognised as a suitable response and so is frowned upon. So you might do whatever is necessary to prevent trembling and shaking which risks locking the trauma in. Many people might find it very difficult to disclose what they have experienced due to shame. So they struggle to process alone, often unsuccessfully. Two different people experiencing the same shocking event might respond very differently depending on resources available and what previous experiences were. If you have people you feel you can talk to, if you can take time to process what happened and make sense if it you are unlikely to be traumatised by what happened. But if you don’t have anyone or don’t feel you can tell anyone what happened, if you don’t get the time or space to physically allow the adrenaline to dissipate it becomes locked in, and can be retriggered later. Gabor Maté explains it like this: Trauma is not what happened to you. Trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you. (watch the video in the link above) If someone always feels under threat repeatedly without having a chance to return to safety the alarm begins to malfunction. It might seem like it’s always on, or it rings at the slightest thing. For human beings this might mean, for example, that if someone experienced horrific events at the hands of a person who always wore a certain aftershave they might find that every time they smelled that aftershave they go into a panic, their amygdala thinks that person is back. There will be likely be numerous triggers so the alarm can go off many times in any one day. Even though it may be many years or decades since the traumatic events you will feel exactly as you did then. It will feel so real. We call this flashbacks. Your senses will remember exactly what was happening then so you might smell, see, hear or taste what the body remembers from that time even though you might be nowhere near the people or places involved. Your body will release the adrenaline required to escape, all over again even through the actual threat is not there. So your heart rate increases, your breathing is rapid, you shake and you seem to be panicking for no good reason. Those around you will think you’re having panic attack or even hallucinating. Living like this can be very tiring. It can become almost impossible to function normally. People will resort to doing whatever is necessary to stop the flashbacks and nightmares. This often leads to using substances which can dampen the responses briefly. Anything to escape. But it’s only temporary. So you need more. Eventually you may take too much of the substance and your body can’t cope, you overdose. Or you just can’t face living like this anymore and you think it would be better for you and those around you if you were no longer there. So this young woman repeatedly found herself at a bridge with the idea that she could jump off and make the pain stop. However, it seems her innate self preservation couldn’t quite allow her to jump. It takes a lot to override the body’s need to stay alive. People say it’s attention seeking and time wasting. Attention seeking? No! What she is seeking is an end to the pain of living with unresolved trauma. What can resolve it? To start it requires building a relationship of trust with someone who can make you feel safe. That is being attuned to the other. Attunement. That’s not so easy if the trauma has been at the hands of people who you should be able to trust like parents, teachers or other caregivers. So this can take time. Do you think that putting someone in prison, shaming them, is likely to be of benefit? I have no idea if she will receive any therapeutic support while she is locked up. Conventional therapy on the NHS is often time limited which doesn’t make it easy for you to build the trust necessary to feel safe. There is usually a long waiting list which means the symptoms get worse while you’re waiting. And too often people find that staff change positions so this necessitates building a new relationship of trust all over again. When trust in others, and in yourself, has been so badly damaged by the experiences you’ve had this is not easy. What is offered is typically not a modality that accesses the subconscious mind. Remember that your fight or flight response is part of your autonomic nervous system. It’s part of the subconscious. Any therapy which requires the conscious mind to make changes will not reset the amygdala. It might provide a way to manage symptoms. But it won’t take them away. You need an appropriate therapy that accesses the subconscious mind in order to reset the amygdala. There are a variety of therapeutic modalities which do that. Some are body based like massage, TRE, or Somatic Movement. Others involve talking about it but in a safe way. These would be things like EFT, NLP, hypnotherapy or QEC. The essential component to any of these is working with someone you feel you can trust and feel safe with. I can work with you to build trust, to allow you to feel safe so that you can discharge the trauma within you at a pace to suit you. Ultimately it is important that you regain trust in yourself again. If this resonates with you and you wish to take charge of your healing get in touch. We can first have a chat to discover if working together would feel right for you.

Many people don’t prioritise regular massage as they see it as a luxury with little real benefit. I, however, hasten to disagree - as do my clients! Two clients in particular (who have been coming to see me for twice monthly massages for 12 years) said they'd be happy for me to share their experience: The first, a gentleman in his 80s, declares that without his regular treatments he would not move so easily. Without regular Massage he believes he wouldn't be able to turn his head sufficiently to look for traffic at road junctions. The second is a late 50s male working in the construction trade. At the end of a week he comes to release the tension built up in his body from physical work. He recognises that he benefits from the chance to replenish both his mind and body and admits that “it’s better than any drug but without the negative side effects.” I gladly welcome women to my clinic, too. A sprightly lady in her 70s sees her monthly massage as part of her self care routine alongside a weekly yoga practice. She notices that people much younger than her move as if they are much older. A busy, working mother, values the thinking space she gets on her journey to and from me, adding to the beneficial outcomes of her massages. Society has taught us to see Massage as a luxury, or only for injuries. But in truth it's a powerful, healing, therapeutic tool - and just like washing, well worth doing regularly! Want to give it a try for yourself? Your first Massage with me is half price - get in touch to get booked in.

ACE-Aware Scotland held the third ACE-Aware Nation conference on 1st June 2022. The first was in September 2018 with the international invited guest speaker being Dr Nadine Burke-Harris. In 2019 Dr Gabor Maté was the international guest speaker at the second conference, again attracting over 2000 delegates. You can find videos of all the speakers and more from the first two conferences at the ACE-Aware Scotland YouTube channel. The theme of this year's conference was Compassionate Prisons. At first glance it does not seem like an enticing topic. Prisons are for punishment. Victims of crime are the ones who deserve compassion, right? Compassionate Prisons: Believing in the transformative power of compassion 1st June 2022 Suzanne Zeedyk, of Connected Baby, introduced the day explaining her vision for Scotland to become the world's first ACE-Aware Nation. She toured Scotland throughout 2017 screening the documentary Resilience. I saw Resilience at Dundee and Angus College in early 2018 and connected immediately with a few others to create Dundee and Angus ACEs Hub. We fundraised to buy our own license to screen Resilience in our area. The international guest speaker at this third ACE-Aware Nation conference was Fritzi Horstman who was featured in The Wisdom of Trauma alongside Gabor Maté. Having watched The Wisdom of Trauma many times I had learned about the Compassionate Prison Project (CPP) and Step Inside the Circle. So, I knew that the team at ACE-Aware Scotland were going to pull together a fascinating day. I was not wrong. Fritzi and her team had been in Scotland for a couple of weeks before the conference as she had been invited to visit 3 prisons to share CPP with them. Sisco had been partners in organising these visits and the first speaker of the conference was its founder Natalie Logan McLean. She picked up on the question many might have about having compassion for prisoners. She talked about opening a ‘can of worms’ but argues that ‘It’s time to nurture the can of worms.’ Following Natalie, we heard from Angela Constance, MSP, Scottish Government Minister for Drug Policy who told us more about the work the Scottish Government is doing now that they recognise that ‘criminal justice is a public health issue.’ Then Fritzi came on stage. Her first question was ‘When is the moment when we decide a person is no longer human?’ She shared several statistics with us, such as approximately 72% of US prisoners met the criteria for a mental health disorder and that up to 80% of men and women in prison have traumatic brain injuries. She told us that prisons residents are more likely to witness or be involved in violent situations, will die by suicide at a rate 3.5 times the national average, lose approximately 2 years of life for each year confined and that 60% will experience moderate to severe symptoms of PTSD, as well as moral injury. ‘It’s time to nurture the can of worms’ Apparently, the food is not as bad in Scotland as it is in America where food provided is marked not for human consumption. But in general issues are very similar between Scotland and America. Solitary confinement is a major consideration for prison residents. The mental effects are anxiety, stress, depression, hopelessness, anger, irritability and hostility. This will contribute to a recidivism rate in the US of around 65%. Prison populations can typically spend 23 hours a day in their cells. Due to the pandemic many in the general population have also experienced prolonged isolation. Fritzi told us that Norway has a different philosophy in their justice system where the only punishment is a loss of freedom. Prisoners are still treated like human beings which aids rehabilitation, protects mental health and reduces reoffending rates. Finally, Fritzi shared a quote on her last slide: ‘If we paid more attention to the highchair, we wouldn’t need the electric chair.’ Really hits home about the importance of Child Protection. Following a break, we heard from James Docherty of the Violence Reduction Unit, a driving force behind ACE-Aware Scotland. He believes that the ‘biggest trauma in Scotland is emotional unavailability.’ This is particularly important within the family. Proximal abandonment leaves the child feeling unsafe. We do know how even just one safe person can make a difference to a child’s brain development and mental wellbeing. Iain Smith came up after James, joking that it's never good to have to come on after him because he’s such a powerful speaker. But they are a dream team. Iain is a criminal defence lawyer who told us of his journey to become trauma informed. He advocates for his clients to ensure that they have a better chance of breaking the cycle. He argues for preventative justice, saying that we ‘need to build better people rather than better jails.’ Next, we heard from David Abernethy, Governor of HMP Edinburgh. His presentation was entitled Striving for Trauma Informed Prison Services: Context, Challenges and Opportunities. He had welcomed Sisco into his prison as he actively looks for collaboration to aid the recovery of the residents in his care. Many agencies and private businesses are involved in providing activities and services to residents and he continues to look for more. David recognises that ’relationships are as important as breathing’ (Adam Burley CJS). After lunch Darren Burns came on to tell us about the Timpson Group. He is the national recruitment manager for the business which aims to have truly inclusive workplaces. They actively recruit ex offenders as they believe that ‘giving people a job after prison isn't giving them a second chance, often it’s giving them their first chance.’ He will visit prisons to recruit staff and there are many Timpson training academies within prisons so that prisoners can leave fully trained and ready to work. Step inside the circle Fritzi came back on to end the day by asking us to Step Inside the Circle. Obviously, a hotel function room with rows of seating did not lend itself to us standing in a circle. So, she asked us simply to stand for the first ACE we recognised in our lives. Then we would raise our hand for the next one. A considerable proportion of delegates stood up at just the first question: Prior to your 18th birthday, did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often… Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you? Or act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt? Looking at the audience when she finished, Fritzi gauged that 65% of us has experienced multiple ACEs which was to be expected. There are 10 main ACEs that came out of the study created by Dr. Vincent Felitti of Kaiser Permanent and Robert Anda of the CDC. However, it is recognised that there are more. I was glad to hear Fritzi go on to mention other adverse experiences. I believe that anything a child experiences to be traumatic (and cannot confide in a trusted adult) should be considered an ACE. Relationships with safe, trusted adults will help a person to build resilience and heal from the effects of their adversity. I can count 4 official ACEs in my childhood as well as other traumas, but I can be thankful that I also had protective factors in my life. The original ACEs study, was probably ‘the largest, most important public health study you never heard of’ at one time. It discovered ‘there was a direct link between childhood trauma and adult onset of chronic disease, as well as mental illness, doing time in prison, and work issues, such as absenteeism’ and ‘more adverse childhood experiences resulted in a higher risk of medical, mental and social problems as an adult.’ Break the cycle Ending the day Suzanne Zeedyk thanked all the speakers and encouraged everyone to go back to their communities and share what they had learned. People have been learning more about ACEs over the last 4 years and are eager to be involved in change. The transformative power of compassion benefits us all but will be particularly important for the prison population. It is clear from this conference that most, if not all, residents enter the justice system with multiple ACEs and often end up more traumatised by the system. They get trapped in a revolving door. Those working in the system are also detrimentally affected often adding to the load. There is a popular quote by the late Archbishop Desmond Tutu: “There comes a point where we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they’re falling in.” We know why they're falling in now. So, we can break the cycle. Get in touch if you would like help breaking the cycle in your family.

I start a new part time job tomorrow. I am beyond excited. Great, you say, but people start new jobs all the time, what’s the big deal? I’ve been offered new jobs in the past. And I’ve been grateful. But this time, for me, it IS a big deal. I’ve never felt good enough. I’ve never felt like I fit in. I’ve always felt like an outsider. I don’t have many friends, and no-one who I can say is my best mate. I doubt myself and despite being self employed for many years now I have barely survived. But still I persevere. All signs of trauma. My parents damaged me. There, I’ve said it. It’s hard to admit that, I don’t want to speak badly of my mum. But they did. They didn’t mean to. They were damaged as children themselves. I know some of what they experienced so I understand. My mum did the best she could. She did what she thought was the best for her children. She did what she had been taught. She used parenting practices that were ‘normal’ at the time, like spanking. I used to think it 'never did me any harm' but I have realised lately how much damage was done. It wasn’t the best for me. It wasn’t good for optimal brain development. I know I have experienced proximal abandonment. My father wasn’t able to be the dad I needed him to be. He wasn’t there, even when he was in my life I have very few memories of him doing anything with us. I don’t have any memory of him playing with me. And sadly that means I have repeated that in my own relationships. There, I’ve said that now too! When I was in my teens he completely abandoned me and then came back a few times fleetingly. Opening the wound again. When I left school I went to Art College. But failed my end of year assessment in 3rd year. It broke my heart. my birth trauma I found jobs to make ends meet. Nothing felt right. I got married, and had a child. The birth was traumatic. My marriage didn’t survive. I went back to college, got an HNC in Digital Media and worked in the print trade. Then I had another child. Preparing for that birth taught me how I’d been let down by everyone during my first birth. So I became a doula. I wanted to prevent that happening to other women. During the years I spent as a doula and childbirth educator I learned the importance of birth and early parenting. I read so many books and went to workshops and conferences that taught me about pregnancy, birth, infant feeding and how that impacted on the child. I knew that informed decision making, bodily autonomy and feeling cared for meant that mothers’ mental health was protected. Which protects her ability to parent optimally. Then I added massage therapy which taught me about the human need for touch. Due to an old wrist injury I use the NO HANDS Massage approach to bodywork, in order to protect myself. I read so many books and signed up for Continued Professional Development trainings and conferences that built on the knowledge I already had about informed decision making, bodily autonomy and feeling cared for. My speciality was trauma. I have experienced birth trauma, I have experienced childhood trauma. I learned how this affects brain development and behaviour. It was important to me to try to help others avoid birth trauma and bodywork gave me the ability to provide nurturing, safe touch to those who came to me for massage. I kept learning. And searching for more knowledge. Development within NO HANDS Massage was becoming very trauma informed which delighted me. There was a connection now between my birthwork and my bodywork. But still I had this feeling that I was never good enough. And like an outsider. I always doubted myself, even when my peers said I was good at what I did. As soon as a client left my therapy room I imagined they were thinking how much better I could have done. my transformation Then the pandemic hit. I couldn’t work for five months in 2020. Then we weren’t allowed close contact work for another five months in 2021 too. This badly affected business. I threw myself into learning. I signed up for Quantum Energy Coaching (QEC). It’s not bodywork and not birthwork. But still trauma. And, as with everything else I have done, it was an experiential learning. So I’ve been working on my own trauma. Which is just as well because the last two years have really brought my childhood limiting beliefs to the surface. It feels hard to admit. I feel like a failure. I have struggled to function. I have struggled to communicate. I let people down because of that. I procrastinated a lot which doesn’t help. I froze. It’s a trauma response. I continued going for regular NH Massage when we were allowed to offer close contact services. I mostly opted for Trauma Discharge, a new thing within NH Massage. I kept myself from crisis. I am so thankful that in the years before the pandemic we had been bringing the emerging neuroscience to our bodywork training. Gerry Pyves created NH at first, over 30 years ago, to protect therapists from injury but was also a qualified Psychotherapist. He read The Biology of Belief by Dr Bruce H Lipton, a cell biologist, and the Polyvagal Theory by Dr Stephen Porges, a psychiatrist and neuroscientist, and everything changed! Gerry's knowledge as a psychotherapist had already informed his massage work. But now he developed Trauma Discharge and also NeuroTouch. He offered these to us and I signed up immediately. As we learned, we evolved and improved both of these wonderful modalities. They allow the body to let go of ambient trauma safely. And these last 2 years have really increased the level of ambient trauma we’re living with! QEC gave me a non-touch way of working which I felt was important if there was any likelihood I would not be able to offer massage for long periods of time. I wanted to future proof my ability to earn a living. It has allowed me to start peeling back the layers of my trauma, like layers of an onion. Each time I work on something it then allows something else to come to the surface. Once I recognise it I can then work on that too. So slowly but surely I am releasing, forgiving, re-programming… and healing. When I think about how much I might still have to do I remind myself of how far I’ve come. I was invited to join a 12 hour workshop to learn about Emotional CPR in November 2021. I was sceptical at first. I wasn’t sure it would teach me anything I didn’t already know about trauma. I mean, I already had some wonderful tools to offer that I really trust and know work. I’m glad I went and didn’t dismiss it. As soon as I completed that workshop as a Participant I resolved to join the apprenticeship pathway to become an eCPR Trainer. In February I gained my eCPR Educator certificate and I am continuing towards becoming a trainer. Each time I co-facilitate a 12 hour eCPR workshop I learn from my co-facilitators and from the participants. I discovered some participants were attending in their role as peer support workers. I had always thought peer support was a voluntary role. I had been a breastfeeding peer support worker in the past. So I knew, right? I AM good enough There ARE paid peer support roles. Game changer! I started looking for something I could apply for as I was miserable in the call centre job I’d taken on because of the pandemic. The call centre left me so drained by negativity that I wasn’t able to focus well on my business and attract new clients. It was so frustrating to have these wonderful modalities that I believe in wholeheartedly, know can make a huge difference to people and yet not have a full diary. I just didn’t have it in me to create content and market my services. I didn’t feel good enough. I knew I had to get out of the call centre. I heard about one charity, Support in Mind Scotland (SiMS) from a participant on an eCPR workshop and applied for a job. I applied for a few others with another charity too. I was given an interview for one and it was a disaster. But I reminded myself that I could learn from that. Thankfully I was also invited to interview with SiMS and was offered a job! They wanted me. Me! They wanted my knowledge, experience and skills. They want to benefit from what I can bring to their organisation. This. Is. Huge. I left the call centre on Friday, after 18 months, on a high, with best wishes and genuine kindness from my team which made me feel so good. I hated the job but it kept me afloat and I learned a lot from it too. Having done work on my limiting beliefs from childhood I am now in a place where I actually feel good enough. I will be an asset to SiMS. I don’t feel a sense of Imposter Syndrome. I am not doubting myself. I feel confident and self assured. I wouldn’t have got that from antidepressants. I am looking forward to starting my new job tomorrow. I know it will be a wonderful balance to my therapy work. I will continue to work on my own healing because I know there’s some more to do. I feel a sense of peace now. I’m where I’m meant to be. Thank you for reading my story. This is a story of my continuing transformation. Please get in touch if you’d like me to help you with yours.

Well, 2021 is rapidly drawing to a close. I don’t know about you but I found 2021 much harder than 2020. Just as in 2020 there were another 5 months where I wasn’t permitted to work as a massage therapist. The uncertainty was very challenging for me. I understand that my reaction to this pandemic was triggered by trauma in my past. When I feel threat, real or perceived, my autonomic nervous system will react to keep me safe. My usual pattern is to freeze. Avoidance and procrastination seem to be my usual pattern of behaviour. I often struggle to deal with what I consider to be authority figures. Some people might go into Fight. Reacting to the slightest thing, getting into arguments, using their fists… whilst others might go into Flight. Running away from conflict, maybe even literally moving. While some, like me, Freeze because fighting or fleeing was not an option in childhood. Sadly, I know people who are really struggling with the change in their way of life because of the pandemic and often contemplate suicide. Some have succeeded, tragically. Looking back over the last 2 years how do you feel you coped? Physical Distancing I dislike the term ‘social distancing’ because we are social beings and require social interaction to thrive. I understand the need for physical distancing to minimise the risk of spreading the virus. But I believe we need to keep interacting with friends, family, colleagues, neighbours all the more. We are fortunate to be living in a time when technology means we have an array of communication possibilities that allow us to see and hear others via the internet. It’s better than nothing. It allows us to stay connected. And it has allowed me to continue to learn, deepening my knowledge all through the last 2 years. It means I have been able to work on my own healing journey. The NO HANDS Massage Association provided ongoing support and professional development. As has the QEC team. If I not been able to see and speak to my peers regularly, to talk to like minded people, I know my resilience would have been very low indeed. It has been wonderful to offer QEC to clients. Obviously I can see people within my therapy space but even if local we have the choice to meet online too. And I am not restricted to working with local clients. This makes a difference when there’s a pandemic and it’s not so easy for people to be confident in the close proximity of massage. Yet it’s probably safer coming to me for a massage than it is to go to the office or the shops, due to the measures I have in place. And of course the benefits to your immune system from having regular massage cannot be overstated. This is why I have continued to get a massage twice a month myself, when not in lockdown. Six weeks ago I was invited to attend emotional CPR, and fortunately had space in my diary. I found this to be an invaluable addition to my professional and personal development. I intend to take this further because I know it’s something that can make a significant difference to people and I want to share it with others. In the last few months I have been leading Self Soothing sessions online, with fabulous feedback. At the end of a 6 week block participants reported sleeping better, being less reactive, feeling calmer and more connected to their body. You may feel that you are OK but if you are comfort eating or turning to alcohol, if your sleep patterns are poor, if you are easily irritated, if you lack motivation or interest in things you used to enjoy it may be that you are affected more than you realise. So, if you want to work with someone who can help you build resilience in these times of uncertainty and stress get in touch. 2022 can be the year of post traumatic growth.

You have an incredible inbuilt, automatic, safety mechanism to alert you to danger and take steps to preserve life. All living beings have it. Unfortunately for human beings our modern way of living and our cognitive brain function can interfere with it working properly or effectively. If it is working as it should, you react to any threat or stress. You can keep yourself safe, the threat is dealt with appropriately and you have resources to recalibrate. You are considered to have resilience. Thousands of years ago the stress was from predators or finding food and water or keeping warm for example. In modern times the stress is different. There’s so much more kinds of stress and it’s more complicated. But our safety mechanism reacts the same way. Imagine, if you will, that you carry a container or bucket that all the threats, stresses and tension of daily life get stored in. These are mostly all trauma, with a little t. This imaginary bucket has a valve or tap near the bottom which can allow you to drain it. Lots of positive things like good relationships, eating well, exercise, good sleep hygiene, enjoying your job, participation in hobbies, a social life, regular massage and other self care all have the ability to open the tap. The Trauma Bucket All the positive things that open the tap to empty trauma create a reserve in the bucket that we can call resilience. But what if these things are curtailed or perhaps the tap has been tampered with and you can’t seem to open it? Serious Trauma, trauma with a big T, has the potential to really impact the tap. The tap will open less or even not at all. But the daily traumas still keep occurring. They begin to fill the bucket up. As you go about your daily life carrying this bucket gets harder. Compare carrying a bowl with a few millimetres of water in the bottom to one that is nearly full from one place to another. The water in the full bowl slops around getting dangerously close to spilling over. So you might become more irritable, get angry easily, have problems sleeping, use food or alcohol to self soothe, seem to get ill easily, lose interest in things, lack motivation, struggle to concentrate, feel so tense that your body aches. Can you think of others? There’s less and less room for anything else so what is going to happen if something major happens? Suddenly the bucket overflows. It’s a right mess! You just can’t cope well at all. Covid 19 and national lockdowns We have all just experienced 14 months of fear, uncertainty and loss (of activity, jobs, people, health) with less, or even no, ability to enjoy the things we would normally do to open the tap to our buckets. Even if you feel you got off lightly I’m sure you might recognise that your bucket had less room for resilience than normal. Covid19 and lockdowns have been an added trauma none of us planned for. Some of you might even have found that the added stress has stirred up the base layer in your bucket and old, long forgotten traumas, or possibly Trauma, came back up to confront or Trigger you. So what can you do about it? Well, we’re all going to have to get used to a new normal. We will adjust. But perhaps you now recognise you can use a bit of help to process everything that 2020 and 2021 so far has thrown at you or dredged up. Yet you don’t want medications, or to end up on a long waiting list for a limited number of sessions within the underfunded, under resourced mental health system. Let’s face it, there’s going to be a much higher demand for it now. Recovery If you want to take charge of your recovery I can help. Together we can make sure the tap is working efficiently and allowing your bucket to drain. I have tried and tested methods which SAFELY allow you to release tension and stress which then gives you a lot more resilience. Please get in touch for an initial chat to discover how, working together, I can help you transform.

I recently shared a post on my personal Facebook page following outrage over the death of Sarah Everard and the police handling of the public vigil. Since then I’ve noticed various other events of public protest in which the police handling appeared to be different. So I’ve decided to add my thoughts to my blog, updating and sharing below. Like many women this week I have been doing a lot of reflecting. I didnt think I really had a story of serious assault, of sexual violence. I felt lucky because many I know, some close to me, do have those experiences, and struggle with the aftereffects. But I do have a story. When I was approx 13 years old a boy seated beside me in Physics class, tried to blow into my ear & did other weird stuff in my personal space until I stood up & loudly told him to stop in front of the whole class and teacher (he hadn’t listened to my requests before). I went to a school reunion a few years ago and I admit to being nervous that he would be there too. I was extremely releaved he wasn’t there DESPITE 35+years in between. Also around that age an adult family member had pinched my bum but I’m told I told him off in no uncertain terms. I don’t believe there was intention behind it but I was still able to stand in my personal space and point to the boundaries. I like to think he learned a lesson from my displeasure and I am pleased to think that I was able, and felt safe enough, to call him out. In my twenties I worked in various pubs and nightclubs. This meant that I experienced various men leering & making inappropriate comments. One once leaned over the bar to watch me walking behind the bar. It made me feel very vulnerable but thankfully there were regular customers who I believed would step in if need be. I would not have been able to rely on the pub manager. He served a drunk and difficult customer after I had already told him that the customer had been told he was not getting any more that day. So I left that job shortly after that. I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard: “Hello darling” from random strangers I didn’t know. They are usually not alone, but because I dared not respond this was followed by all manner of insults. I was too shy to reply to bigger men I didn’t know, usually when walking briskly to somewhere I needed to be, so there was all manner of indignant, rude, or abusive comments by blokes because I hadn’t stroked their ego. Also things like “smile, you’d look so much better” when I’m usually lost in thought or busy with something. Like WTF? And today, I finally mentioned something in conversation that I had been deeply ashamed of. I had put it away and didn’t look at it much. But voicing it today has made me want to share it properly. Back in my 30s I got very drunk. So drunk I don’t remember even leaving the pub. But I did leave it with someone. In the morning I walked home and knew that sex had been involved becaus of how raw my vulva and vagina felt. If I was so drunk that I cannot recall any of that time I was in no fit condition to give consent. Do I know if I was even conscious when I was being penetrated? If there was no conscious consent it is technically rape, I believe. But there’s no way I’d ever report it because I had no recollection and no proof. I now have an idea of what other women feel like when considering whether to report their assaults. And why so many just don’t. Since the London murder and the Manchester assault there’s been a Freedom of Information request into police assaults on women and it is clear how prevalent the abuse of power is. So, whilst it’s not all men, it does seem to be that all women have a story. I didn’t think I really had much of one until I reflected more deeply this week. Many people will have stories. Some men too, at the hands of other men and at the hands of women. I can’t remember when but a while ago I stopped sharing posts which objectified men. You know the ones? Perhaps the sexy fireman in a state of relative undress? If I am angry at women being objectified I have no place leering over men either. Through the conversations happening now awareness is growing and I truly hope that humans continue to reflect and learn from this so that future generations develop mutual respect. So many institutions are ingrained with sexism, misogyny, patriarchy. I haven’t even brought in the subject of racism yet because this post has been just about women’s experiences but that must also be added to the list. It will take grass roots movement to make a difference. We need to be so much kinder to each other.

For a large part of 2020 I was unable to offer professional massage treatments to my clients due to government restrictions because of Covid-19. Now, there are a number of misconceptions people hold about massage. Perhaps you think massage is for soothing sore, tense muscles? Or maybe you think it can be a nice bit of pampering, a luxury? I KNOW it is so much more than that and should be part of regular self care. And society, as a rule, seems to think of mental health is separate from physical health and stigma that has long surrounded poor mental health.... I would like to share with you what I have been learning about the way human beings react to stress and trauma. In this blog post I will try to explain the science behind the work that I do. I have done the extensive reading and learning to build up my toolbox which means you can benefit from me distilling the knowledge into more readily understandable chunks. My hope is that if you understand the science which supports my work you will be more inclined to seek me out to support you on your own journey to healing. This is a fairly long read so settle down with a cuppa in a comfy seat. Fight/Flight/Freeze When we face uncertainty, anxiety and stress our brains will automatically go into survival mode. Any threat to the system has a response from the Autonomic Nervous System. This is such an automatic response that we react even before we’ve had time to think cognitively. Can we fight the threat? If not, can we run away from it? If neither is an option would the threat pass by if we play dead? As mammals this is an automatic safety mechanism. However, in our modern world the threat doesn’t come from predators like it does on the plains of Africa, for example. If I were an antelope and caught by a lion it is clear that I’d not had a chance to outrun the predator. I was not able to fight. So I froze. This is for two reasons. If I am about to be killed freezing means that I am somewhat numbed from the inevitable. However it also means that if the lion is distracted by hyenas trying to steal the lion’s meal I have a chance to escape while the lion is busy chasing the hyenas off. So adrenaline starts back up and off I run. Our bodies are designed to spend most of the time in equilibrium, feeling safe, eating and sleeping, growing and staying healthy. When I talk about our bodies I don’t mean just the physical muscles and skeleton. I also mean the brain, mind, spirit, soul... I mean everything about us that makes us unique individuals. Our brain is part of our body, not separate from it. And our mind is the way our brain has developed to think and react according to our unique set of experiences. In our modern societies we are spending a lot of time in stress through work, relationships, health concerns, politics, pandemics.... Our bodies are living with more threat than calm equilibrium. It’s the wrong way round. I’m sure you can recognise what will happen if we don’t allow a mechanism time to recover after being overworked? The antelope on the Savannah doesn’t walk around feeling traumatised because it was hunted by a lion. It escaped, it took time to allow the energy created by adrenaline to release and then it went back to grazing, sleeping and being watchful for further threat. The chase it experienced lasted just a few minutes out of that day. The rest of the time was spent doing whatever it is that antelope do. It doesn’t overthink what just happened or avoid the natural ways it’s body reacts. As humans we don’t always give our bodies the time to process anything that caused stress, anxiety and uncertainty. We tend to stop ourselves from shaking or trembling, as it is seen as a negative thing. We often don’t have a safe place to talk about our experience with someone who will not judge or try to ‘fix’ it. Many of us are unable to come back to equilibrium because the stress is ongoing. Something highlighted during 2020 for sure!! Those who experience a traumatic event may not have a chance to process what happened in a place where they feel safe and heard. Whether it’s a chronic situation or an acute event the body is not getting a chance to come back to equilibrium. The autonomic nervous system is overworked. It’s now always on the lookout for danger. From smells, sounds, sights etc it remembers and associates with an acute event to just not getting a chance to switch the alarm bell off in chronic stress. A giant Supercomputer! The amygdala is the part of the brain that is that alarm bell. When stressed or traumatised it is either going off at the slightest trigger or it can’t be turned off at all, it would seem. Have you ever tried thinking when an alarm has been triggered by mistake? Making sense and acting reasonably becomes quite hard with that sound overwhelming the senses. We need to reset the alarm and stop it reacting incorrectly. Our subconscious mind is part of the autonomic nervous system. It’s all part of the way our bodies work without our need to consciously instruct it. We don’t tell our heart to pump. We don’t even think about how to walk once we have learned how to do so. If you drive can you recall what it was like when you were learning? Every manoeuvre required undivided attention at first. But now you drive so automatically that if you drive a new vehicle with the gear stick in a different position you will keep reaching for it where it was in the previous vehicle. It takes time and repetition to get used to the new layout. But the brain is adaptable so you learn the new layout. And we simply carry on with our lives, with our subconscious mind working 100% of the time as a giant supercomputer. We use our cognitive brain to think about tasks about 5% of the time, more like your small basic home computer. It becomes very hard to make lasting change if we just access the 5%. This is why will power isn’t always enough. You may be considering a New Years Resolution to change a habit. Habits are within the subconscious mind though so you might now understand why it’s not always easy to make that change you wished for. It needs more than just will power. It needs resolve, time, repetition, support. The subconscious mind has been programmed to believe that it needs the habit to keep safe. People often self medicate the pain of stress and trauma Many people discover substances which provide temporary feelings of safety, warmth and calm. They might then require these substances regularly to maintain those nice feelings. These range from legal things like coffee and alcohol to comfort food. They might be more of an internal substance created by hormones released through self harm such as nail biting or cutting. Or they may be more harmful substances like prescription or illegal drugs. This is why stopping the consumption of any of these just through will power is incredibly hard. Our subconscious is used to feeling safe when we consume whatever it is that each of us has found helps us. Stopping it means our subconscious feels unsafe again and we need that fix. Whether you struggle to stop the sweets and sticky buns or whether you are addicted to medications or the rush from gambling, say, it is because your brain is trying to feel safe. Gabor Maté says that not everyone who has experienced trauma will go on to become addicted but that everyone who is addicted has been traumatised. And we tend to think of addicts as those people whose addiction harms others. But addiction is also when we can’t reduce the number of coffees in our day. Or stop that nail biting habit. Or shop compulsively. And much, much more. Stress, anxiety and uncertainty leads us to find coping mechanisms to feel better. It is exacerbated if we experienced adversity in childhood. Stress and trauma in adulthood is likely to trigger negative coping patterns and beliefs set in childhood. Our brains have the most intense programming during the first 7 years of life, continuing to develop and grow until our mid twenties. Throughout the rest of adult life neuroplasticity means that it will continue to evolve. It can still be affected adversely BUT it can also heal. The Trauma Bucket This means that we can reset that alarm bell that is going off to signal danger. We might be able to stop it temporarily with the habit we find works for us, but it keeps going off again and sometimes we end up trying other ways to stop it. This is why many people find that addictive behaviours increase and need stronger substances to ‘work’. The mechanism is the same though whether we are dealing with a coffee or shopping habit or taking hard drugs. This is why the War on Drugs doesn’t work. It’s a war on damaged people. They need to feel safe again. They need a way to reset their alarm. Trauma is something that is not simply a shocking event. Trauma is also the day to day effects on the mind/body from stress. So don’t think that because you didn’t experience something horrendous that you can’t be reacting to trauma. We all have capacity to deal with life and you could think of a bucket or container as holding that capacity. Notice a tap at the bottom of this container. If it is working well the container can be drained. All experiences go into this container. If we did not open the tap to drain it the container will become full and it might not take much for it to overflow. Each time we drain the container we provide space. We create resilience. It means that we can calm down easily after a stressful situation or we might have enough strength to deal with a significant issue. However, if our container is full and the tap isn’t working we don’t have any resilience and will react quickly to even the smallest stress which we might previously have shrugged off. Keeping the tap open can be fairly simple. It’s largely down to self care for most of us. Good sleep hygiene, eating well, staying hydrated should be obvious. But safe, appropriate human interaction is vital. That involves face to face contact, often with touch. From handshakes and hugs through to hair cuts and professional massages as human beings we are designed to have an element of touch in society. You matter However many people have not been primed to accept touch. Birth and parenting practices since the industrial revolution really did not understand the need for secure attachment. Over medicalised birth, gadgets, modern work and living conditions and clever marketing have all led to many parents being isolated and stressed, causing unintended neglect of the biological requirements of young babies and children. Still other people have been harmed by very inappropriate touch. It is therefore very important that everyone is mindful to be respectful and seek permission to touch others. As a massage therapist I recognise the research that shows how important touch is to us but I am also very aware of how some people are justifiably wary of touch. So you might now understand why I've been adding alternative qualifications to my tool box. I really want to be able to help you transform your life. During 2020 we have faced an unprecedented new challenge to our lives which has affected the very way human beings are designed to interact with each other. And as we head into 2021 is doesn't look like it will get any easier in the near future. How do you think you're going to cope? So no matter what level of trauma you have experienced over the course of your life get in touch to discuss your needs. I have built up a toolbox, all based on the latest neuroscience, which forms a rounded package of therapies to be chosen according to your individual circumstances. Together we can work on the issues you've been dealing with across your life and help you move on from 2020! If you require therapy outwith my skillset I will signpost you to someone more suitably qualified. Your safety is my utmost priority.